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Thread: title unworthy...

  1. #1
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
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    title unworthy...

    five times a month I change forms..head back to a place I once knew..
    I look around and everyone looks familiar.. but stair at me like I'm different..
    As usual I feel I have been dropped into this place on purpose..
    with their bleak outlook I press on the patch of change..
    once the leader I am looked at as if I'm am an outcast..
    the instructor of life I feel creativity running through my veins..
    directing me in the path I travel, choosing what hand gestures to make..
    soft cushioned common, water rushes like water tends to rush..
    haphazardly I stick my feet into the turbulent..
    I wish that I could take part on its adventure..
    I realize I'm too large of a man for this little stream..
    the mass of my body would be too great to be whisked away..
    I allow the sounds of the forest to enter my consciousness..
    when life in abundance surrounds me I always feel like death..
    I slowly arose to find my toes buried in the soft silt..
    I laugh at the childhood memories this simple action brings light too..
    I'm in a dark library, this action is my flashlight, my memories books..
    a bird chirping near by pulls me with force to the present..
    I pull my feet from their chambers, and let the sun work its magic..
    supernatural

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned Cinizter's Avatar
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    Re: title unworthy...

    directing me in the path I travel, choosing what hand gestures to make..
    soft cushioned common, water rushes like water tends to rush..
    haphazardly I stick my feet into the turbulent..
    I wish that I could take part on its adventure..
    I realize I'm too large of a man for this little stream..
    the mass of my body would be too great to be whisked away..


    really liked these particular lines alot....to me they really sum up the message you're trying to get across in the piece. For me I think its describing you as a person that goes with the flow....and like the rushing current of a body of water, "The Flow"...is strong. Then again, its like you've outgrown that mode of thinking in some ways cause you say "I'm too big for this stream".

    to me it was like you were saying you know better than to follow a path of vanity twice....good piece. If i had any problems with it it'd be the structure and I feel in places you used too many words.

    peace.

  4. #4
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
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    Re: title unworthy...

    Bumping like vollyball

  5. #5
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
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    Re: title unworthy...

    uno mas

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