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Thread: A, e, i, o, u

  1. #1
    Banned Cinizter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    South Cack-a-lack
    Posts
    354
    Battle Record
    8-7

    A, e, i, o, u

    A, E, I, O, U




    A. day so cold and I've spent it isolated
    E.very moment in your presence, encapsulated
    I.mminent danger and bad influence swirling around us
    O.blivion burns into dream matter that turns into brown dust
    U.nity is still a profane misprint in your book of life

    I wrote an a-e-i-o-u haiku
    I wrote it in the walls in MY blood
    I guess its just my love for art


    How much can I deal with when I feel sickly
    sickly to the touch, using this pen as a crutch
    a must-have when danger is in close proximity
    finding a place to bury my worry & aggravation
    daddy needs new shoes and a proximity infatuation
    Mommy always was a whore and a prototypical addict
    my brother is a jarhead and my uncle is a faggot
    nowadays I write my poems with blood
    I carve them into the walls surrounding my bed
    I just exist
    I spent 364 days this year wishing I were dead
    I just exist
    to piss someone or some-thing off
    smirnoff, iron flask, knights of whiskey
    drink away the sorrow, don't be a sissy
    theres always tommorow and the hangover from hell
    by noon this rugged town will be under our spell
    belch out the Old World, Old South, and old values
    bathe yourself heavily in the now hue
    this is a sick sadistic place but imagine it without YOU
    a voice in my head keeps saying, over & over

    -[I JUST EXIST]-



    as a child I sat in amazement
    day's end after day's end
    thinking to myself which...
    which way would be the best way to die
    older brother says "Death is death"
    one way is one way
    no way could be called best
    So I need more Tao, more faith, more luck
    not giving a fuck only gets you so far
    want to move; night terror leaves me stuck
    so much for wishing on a pagan star
    find my sanity in pastels and collage
    if all goes well blame astrology
    if all goes bad blame the gods
    as a man I stand in horror
    as the soundtrack to my life plays
    consistent with the wasting of my days

    -[I JUST EXIST]-













    Links:
    Durt-Chuck Diesel
    My precious-Chuck Diesel
    Last edited by Cinizter; March 2nd, 2010 at 08:36 PM Reason: Links and things.

  2. #2
    Jager-Bomb Chuck Diesel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    290
    Battle Record
    4-1

    Re: A, e, i, o, u

    How much can I deal with when I feel sickly
    sickly to the touch, using this pen as a crutch
    a must-have when danger is in close proximity
    finding a place to bury my worry & aggravation
    daddy needs new shoes and a proximity infatuation
    Mommy always was a whore and a prototypical addict
    my brother is a jarhead and my uncle is a faggot
    nowadays I write my poems with blood
    I carve them into the walls surrounding my bed
    I just exist
    I spent 364 days this year wishing I were dead
    I just exist

    as a child I sat in amazement
    day's end after day's end
    thinking to myself which...
    which way would be the best way to die
    older brother says "Death is death"
    one way is one way
    no way could be called best
    So I need more Tao, more faith, more luck
    not giving a fuck only gets you so far
    want to move; night terror leaves me stuck
    so much for wishing on a pagan star
    find my sanity in pastels and collage
    if all goes well blame astrology
    if all goes bad blame the gods


    was feeling both these parts alot.. can relate... i enjoy reading ur shit too man.. i see alot of similarities and content and such.. you got the spoken word type feel going on which is real cool.. i can tell theres alot of real feeling when you write. i didnt really grasp the aeiou part or how it pertained to the rest of the piece but all in all still a good read mang..

  3. #3

    Re: A, e, i, o, u

    this was a cool read. had a hint of rawness to it, with the swearing. which is nice to not see every poem be so proper. I thought it would have been interesting if this part;

    I wrote an a-e-i-o-u haiku
    I wrote it in the walls in MY blood
    I guess its just my love for art
    was actually a haiku, lol. not sure how you would work that out, but it immediately crossed my mind when I read it. I also liked the repitition of "I just exist", i thought that really conveyed the person's mindset well. Enjoyable read, thanks!

    hit this up
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...432/index.html

  4. #4
    I'm here to Destroy YOU! Galactus The Devourer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    The Heartbeat
    Posts
    916
    Battle Record
    2-0

    Re: A, e, i, o, u

    Thought that alot of this was really well done, I enjoyed how some things rhymed and others had the spoken word approach, its def a style I like, I like when things switch up on you and you suddenly read something you really didnt expect..

    "imminent danger and bad influence swirling around us
    O.blivion burns into dream matter that turns into brown dust" really liked these

    and

    want to move; night terror leaves me stuck
    so much for wishing on a pagan star

    nice drop rtf plz

  5. #5

    Re: A, e, i, o, u

    So I need more Tao, more faith, more luck
    not giving a fuck only gets you so far
    want to move; night terror leaves me stuck
    so much for wishing on a pagan star
    find my sanity in pastels and collage
    if all goes well blame astrology
    if all goes bad blame the gods
    as a man I stand in horror
    as the soundtrack to my life plays
    consistent with the wasting of my days

    yo this right here....this shit right here??? this shit is DOPE..i was like, yooo this shit is really true, and really is how it goes....yo mayne...good shit cutty...very deep, and well written...nothing really bad to say, or even to critique...just keep doin you bruh, and keep challengeing yaself when you write...good shit cutty

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