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Thread: My precious

  1. #1
    Jager-Bomb Chuck Diesel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    290
    Battle Record
    4-1

    My precious

    Colors corrosponding with mood,
    I call this one Evening Sky.

    Blood boils red with rage,
    at even the slightest of glances
    towards her refuge.

    Eyes mounted upon
    the reverse side of her skull,
    Waiting.

    Dare I.

    My frail attempts
    at a relationship,
    prove fatal.

    Her chest puffs,
    like a blown balloon.
    Nothing new to see here.

    Stationary, she feels
    most safe at her highest point.
    Drugged.

    Go to sleep bitch.
    No food for you tonight.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...333/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...442/index.html
    Last edited by Chuck Diesel; March 3rd, 2010 at 06:00 AM

  2. #2
    Banned Cinizter's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
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    South Cack-a-lack
    Posts
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    Battle Record
    8-7

    Re: My precious

    Stationary, she feels
    most safe at her highest point.
    Drugged.

    Go to sleep bitch.
    No food for you tonight.


    liked these lines....they gave the poem some type of grit in my opinion....can't explain it really. It made it work for me more as a kinda "junky love poem"...or at least thats the look I think you were going for?.

    good read and oh yeah....keep posting Chuck....I might not give you a 5 star feed every post but I feel your work as a whole does have substance.

    out.

  3. #3
    Jager-Bomb Chuck Diesel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    290
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    4-1

    Re: My precious

    thanks mang, i dont really like forcing myself to write the way rapbattles wants me to hahaha.. im just trying out different shit. got alot of uneasy circumstances going on right now which help with inspiring me to write at least. i should have more coming.

    and word about junky love poem haha the whole piece was supposed to be somewhat of a metaphor.. my mean ass pet chameleon/junky love poem lmao
    Last edited by Chuck Diesel; March 3rd, 2010 at 06:02 AM

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