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Thread: A Pasty White

  1. #1
    I love it though. Novac's Avatar
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    A Pasty White

    A Pastey White
    By: Novac


    Your eyes
    are solemn
    and sit in their sockets.

    My face?
    A pasty cocaine white.
    A memory to be.
    Naked.

    Nosebleed.

    In our story of
    boys meets girl meets holy ghost;
    I only care
    because you do.

    So I bled for the art of it.


    My face?
    What face.
    "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
    -Leonardo da Vinci

    Currently listening to:
    [YOUTUBE]N6Z4XG6kZss&feature=relatedc[/YOUTUBE]

  2. #2
    I love it though. Novac's Avatar
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    "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
    -Leonardo da Vinci

    Currently listening to:
    [YOUTUBE]N6Z4XG6kZss&feature=relatedc[/YOUTUBE]

  3. #3
    Jager-Bomb Chuck Diesel's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    Quote Originally Posted by Novac View Post

    So I bled for the art of it.


    My face?
    What face.
    IMO best part of the poem. very powerful. i like how simple the wording is to portray a more complex meaning. to me the simpler the better alot of times.. a good read my girlfriend also found it pretty intriguing.. i'd like to see some more from you.

  4. #4
    I love it though. Novac's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    Much appreciated. I do plan to start being more active here again and I think my focus is going to be in the Poetic Scripture / Short Stories forums for the time being - so definitely keep an eye out for more stuff if interested.

    Again, thanks for the feedback and I'll be reading some of your work this evening and I'll drop some feedback when I have time to focus and read it with an open mind.
    "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
    -Leonardo da Vinci

    Currently listening to:
    [YOUTUBE]N6Z4XG6kZss&feature=relatedc[/YOUTUBE]

  5. #5

    Re: A Pasty White

    Quote Originally Posted by Novac View Post
    In our story of
    boys meets girl meets holy ghost;
    I only care
    because you do.
    .
    My favorite part^. I liked the simplicity, and the structure you used. It was extremely efficient, did not lose anything despite the vague wording. Definitely enjoyed reading it.

    rtf please
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...567/index.html

  6. #6
    Banned Cinizter's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    My face?
    A pasty cocaine white.
    A memory to be.
    Naked.


    you did alot with a few words in my opinion.....I really liked this poem for some reason.....theres just something about the words you use, the shortened lines, the stanza's....etc..

    very unique style....lots of originality.

    peace. keep posting.

  7. #7
    I love it though. Novac's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    Thanks for the feedback, I very much appreciate it.

    I am trying to segway into a new personal writing style - fitting a lot into few words. While I think it does depend on the sort of mindset and mood I'm in while actually writing, I have been able to write some of my best work recently in this style.


    P.s. I found it interesting that of the 3 people who have cited their favorite line/stanza no one has agreed - this is definitely a success in my eyes.
    "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
    -Leonardo da Vinci

    Currently listening to:
    [YOUTUBE]N6Z4XG6kZss&feature=relatedc[/YOUTUBE]

  8. #8
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    I read this awhile ago, but I didn't reply. I wasn't sure what I thought of it at the time. Now that I've read it again, I look at it differently. I can see similarities between how I used to write and how you write. The powerful short phrases, the rhetoric, involving the reader in a much more personal relationship with the writing. All good elements.
    One of the key ideas I got from this is the decentralization of the "I" in art. The poem suggest that art is reflected in others, not simply through the artist's creation. This is a great idea, reminds me of several post-modern theorists. I see the narrator as detached and unimpressed with the reality of life around him. Things seem to be a joke and artificial, and the narrator identifies a change in himself. He's no longer looking towards his own reflection for justification and is moving beyond himself.
    This poem is short and leaves little to critique since it all is deliberate. I'd like to see what you can do with longer pieces.

    Return the favour and leave your thoughts.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...091/index.html
    can I kick it?

  9. #9
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    I can see you really took the time with each word/ every word was important. Yet, I fail to see why you described the eyes in their sockets. Didn't add anything and filler can't be afforded with such a small piece... but maybe I'm missing it.
    The holy ghost bit was dope. After that first stanza, it was deep... really made the reader think and feel.

    As the homo above me said, i'd like to see your shit with a longer piece.

  10. #10
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    Re: A Pasty White

    I get that this is about suicide, but the mention of cocaine at first made me think it was a late night lament on drug abuse. Perhaps there a lot of parallels between the two.

  11. #11
    I love it though. Novac's Avatar
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    Re: A Pasty White

    Thanks a lot for all the feedback, everyone, I really appreciate it. Since it's been a few weeks since I originally posted I think it's appropriate for me to answer a few of the questions/comments people had.

    My idea behind the first stanza was for the narrator to recall the "you" in the poem (could be anyone that the narrator loves/loved) as almost an object or a distant memory, rather than a personal or emotion fueled memory, to which the image of their eyes are emotionless and staring at him.

    I too can see the parallels between drug abuse and suicide in this style of poetry, but the intended meaning was much less "poetic" or abstract in nature and, indeed, it is about drug abuse. Specifically the narrator is choosing cocaine abuse over the "you" in the poem - choosing substance dependency over love. The "boy meets girl meets holy ghost" is meant to illustrate how "meeting the holy ghost" (cocaine) has torn him.


    A side note: this is non-fiction as it pertains to me, but inspired by true events.
    "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
    -Leonardo da Vinci

    Currently listening to:
    [YOUTUBE]N6Z4XG6kZss&feature=relatedc[/YOUTUBE]

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