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Thread: help me out

  1. #1
    T.H.C Toke,Hold, ...Cough Adrenalyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    a small town that know one has heard of
    Age
    32
    Posts
    210
    Battle Record
    2-6

    help me out

    need to get this verse critiqued follow the link to the battle

    im new to da game, a rapbattles virgin/
    buh ima dissect you wit precision, like a surgeon./
    no revision stayin true hard like cement/
    hatred in my core, aggravation, my intent./
    dissmemberment like da Final Destination./
    series, bitch i own all four /
    yo mammas final destination is my front door/
    she beggd so long i gave my dick to make her hush/
    get'n laid, get'n high, cuz we smoke that kush/
    the name's Adrenalyn an' i am feeling the rush/

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=421862

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ZachLipscomb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    145

    Re: help me out

    thats pretty good bro. I would just take out words that don't need to be there to tighten it up. Like "buh" , umm "is" in the 7 line and so forth. good job. anything specific you wanted to kno?
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    Im here to help, If I can let me know.

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