Lead that Earn

[Flipped]

this poem makes the shape of an actual earn. Shape poetry isnt well known but it forces word structure like no other form I've found

**********
Knuckles continue bleeding
Struggles continue on feeding
Seeded dreams sent on fleeting
I maintain needs as I’m feigning
************************
Lift up this state of barely being
Tortured dreams sent for sinking
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Surely now, soon you could see
No safty and your holdin six of me
Bring your self, unshelf my guarantee
Could it be, I’m the key to real and free?
B4 many, I came and let these visions flee
C4 to whats empty they cried in distorted plea
Again, may I lead you sweetie please take a knee
Between you and me together theirs a way to be free
Our unity brings me to imply a unique but timeless possibly
*********************************************
Scrap that need and strip away the shell of such a lost mentality
Ever so sapped and thirsty, chasing for an end to the impossibility
Listen now the easy peace comes here shortly, ready your body
Folded emotions tossed to the breeze now weary but steady
********************************************
Hear only me, just this once, click twice, pull gently
I’m so amused! So finally you may soon taste me
Powder flash, you knash and pass immediately
Flesh lets go warm but cold, souls release
No longer playing role they go in peace
Only within lead all this can cease
**Here For Ever More The BEAST**

:vanja:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...476/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...308/index.html

[OneUGLY]

can't say i fully appreciate this style, never heard of it, but i have seen it done before.
looks cool, n i liked what i read, but not quite what i had expected. like u said it forces wordplay, but i really didn't see that brought out here... the first part started off nice, but then quickly got choppy, i understand the challenge tho because u have to fit to the shape n all, yet it coulda been the poems style, or urs, but it just felt... funny to me.

Safety holds thou cocked with six- maybe it's the wording i didn't like...

Within the lead, all can then cease- was it meant to read as "all then can cease"? makes more sense to me that way, but again the wording was akward to me.

takes nothing away from ur piece tho. thought it some good work, but would like to see other examples if u got any.

[Flipped]

I dont smoke much but I was floatn when I wrote sex crazed. Go to my threads started. I was thinkn it was comedy but sober it was sad but it made the shape well.
I agree with ya on the wording but as you pointed out it is about shape with rhyme. I've been told to write with a more lanear beat per measure. This style a came across and figured what better way to play unforced when I can let go.
Thanx bro

[artisan.]

maybe you should post poetry in the poetry section ...you will get more feed from people who appreciate straight poetry or poetic leaning pieces.

I thought this felt like an exercise, the rhyming dominated the piece and like someone mentioned the wording was ...weird coupled with rhyming and the lines being forced short.

This is called a concrete poem, and the word is Urn.

I really feel like you should drop the rhyme...the piece is more or less incoherent to me, I guess you are describing the after effects of war/a fight?