The American Dream

[Engivale]

Damn. I've written a lot lately. Here's 42 lines I did today after I woke up, but I spent a little time on it... not the best rhyming I can do or anything just wanted to say some stuff that wasn't so personal but more of a broad scope.





Stressin' the bills, the depression just builds,
Admittin' today I hope this isn't the way everyone feels,
My pleas fall on deaf ears before & after ten beers,
I'm finally free when I blindly see then the lens clears,
We just spend years --- time wasted, my mind's ancient,
I'm done fucking waiting for nothing but I'm patient...
See, they've tried slavery so many times,
They figured out a way to do it so nobody minds,
Global designs, now you get to choose your job,
Through the fog of smoke there's a fire and guess who's the log,
Pick a spouse a religion and a box you can live in,
Raise your kids so they can take your place in the prison,
Plagued by the vision of walls where you see none,
It's easier to read about a hero than be one,
A fairy tale scene, I just stare at the screen,
And hope someone else wakes up from the American Dream...

The picture is clearer --- there's a me that lives in the mirror,
A me that lives in my head and a me who pretends he can hear her,
There's a me that won't fight and a side of me that I don't like,
There's a me that depends on this pen and a me that won't write,
There's a you that I'm meeting on this beautiful evening,
I thought I knew you til' as usual your looks were deceiving,
Crooks to the thieving --- people stealing identities,
Whoever we are, we pick characters and pretend we're these,
Ourselves are our enemies --- Say it with me, "FUCK ME!"
This categorized pattern of lies that I must be,
My soul's sacrifice hits a cold patch of ice,
Out of control now there's a hole where God stole the braggin' rights...

I hear a pure voice --- you'll never be with your first choice,
I like to complain cuz life's just a game and we're toys,
Arms open, there's no easy fix when your heart's broken,
The pattern is set, have casual sex, drink and start smokin',
Part awoken -- part in a coma, sweet lovely aroma,
The fragrance just babysits the sun's supernova,
I'm somebody's Mona, you're somebody's Lisa,
I'm the Eiffel Tower, you're the leaning Tower of Pisa,
I'm just a piece to the puzzle deceased in the rubble,
The ruins of humans who were freed from their trouble,
Grotesque like a Rolex, a letter of Scarlet,
Let's hope Wilbur's webs do better than Charlotte's,
I miss bein' a kid, seein' a sword in a twig,
Laughin' cuz I was glad I didn't know more than I did,
Grown-up, Alone but the veil is lifted,
We're all born with a purpose that we fail to live with...



Links after work. Thanks for reading in advance.

[Sen4te]

I like the message your trying to sendout about life and its all a game. The analogys were very creative. This would sound sick on audio , if you do audio? But overall amazing job man. Very creative.

[Mr. Black]

Stressin' the bills, the depression just builds,
Admittin' today I hope this isn't the way everyone feels,

i think everyone, at least in america, feels this way every now and then. i feel like daily life is just filled with distractions to take me away from all the bullshit we suffer. i feel for everyone else though, shit is hard.

See, they've tried slavery so many times,
They figured out a way to do it so nobody minds,
Global designs, now you get to choose your job,

HA. @ the first 2 lines, third line is why nobody minds. sick, amusing, true. only now race is only a minor factor.

There's a me that won't fight and a side of me that I don't like,
There's a me that depends on this pen and a me that won't write,
There's a you that I'm meeting on this beautiful evening,
I thought I knew you til' as usual your looks were deceiving,
Crooks to the thieving --- people stealing identities,
Whoever we are, we pick characters and pretend we're these,

i loved this whole section. i wrote a long self reflective essay a few years back on identity, and the methods we use to forge our own identity. whether we pick a character, so to say, and copy society's standards and ideas - or whether we find our own unique way of viewing things due solely to personal experiences and individual ideology. well i found, in short, that no vision or ideology is purely individual. even a revolt against society's norm is influenced by the society in itself, the only thing that we control is our reaction. interesting stuff in depth. you found a really brilliant way (imo) to touch on this feeling of absence from self, being another brick on the wall, struggling for a sense of self but only staring at another clone in the mirror. tough.

and quite honestly, i could quote the whole third verse. to take a step back and see the patterns and habits of society in their entirety is kinda humbling, enlightening, harsh. at once.

wonderfully worded, great introspective into some of the monotony and underground consumer capitalist bullshit that the average american lives with. not all of this is influenced by a corrupt government in this nation, some is just within self.

should be getting more feed. great verse.

keep doin it

1

[Engivale]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...686/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...575/index.html

Thx for the great feed, blacketh, I will go through some of your work for such an unrprovoked actual breakdown. U don't get that much anymore. Just saw this after I fed some pieces for my links, I'm tired but will get to you tomo

[fireguy770]

i like the words in this piece. unlike lots of lyrics written today this really makes u think, i like it! i think this would be sick on an audio. try it some time. this song would be something good for the radio.

[HighEngineChief]

Dopesauce, you do the relavent topics so well and you set that mood where the reader can feel the desperation in the words, I was in it like swimwear. Your flow as always was flawless, you know how to set up you bars just right, nothing was overdone, you had multis in all the right spots, the experience in you work alway shines through and this piece is no exception.

Pick a spouse a religion and a box you can live in,
Raise your kids so they can take your place in the prison

^^ This part really stuck out with me, it's honest as fuck and puts a big spotlight on the conformity of our society, no matter how much of an individual you think you are, we are all products of influence. Very dope drop Eng, the creativity and language was great, every line had something unique and cool about it, which is why I think all your pieces are so enjoyable, you switch it up and play with the words, and that's what it's all about. Go ahead and flood the forum nigga, I don't think anyone would mind.

[AlphaMetric]

yea, I think this was a good read..... it was bit simple the vocab but the emotion showed off quite strongly, and I can relate in some way..... and you had a ton of great lines, nearly all of them were good in they're meanings..... I think one of your greatest skills is the skill of structuring your verse so it flows nice.... good read... peace

[antology]

Good read like always man... would sound dope on audio... keep it up.

[Hoopstown]

I really did like this

[Iglosone]

this was a great read.. that first verse blew me away.. every line it was dope as fuck.. so many great metas and concepts.. it all was worded and flowed perfect.. felt the bit on relationships... this was the first thing I saw from you to be honest.. and I liked it alot.. I'll be on the look out for more

HOF nom btw

[Bruklor]

A lot of the bars seemed to be stretched... in terms from one to the next. I'm not really the authority figure to point that out, as I do it too, but I noticed it and thought I should say it.

Your first verse started off a little bit lacking, in my opinion. Once the "guess who's the log line" came in though it turned, and became a bit more powerful. The lead up to it, not so much. I did really like the "box you can live in" line. Thought that was pretty dope.

The second verse I'm undecided about. The concept is dope, and idea is great, and the message is great as well. I'm not sure if I liked the "me" repitition for as long as it went on/how many times it was used. I did like the Fuck Me line later on though... Good sense of "timing" I suppose (in terms of a comedian, coming back to a joke later on through his set).

The voice line was pretty dope. The definite stand out line in my mind was:
"I miss bein' a kid, seein' a sword in a twig,"
I thought that was a great idea, and fit perfectly well into the third verse.

[Engivale]

I'm going to up this one more time. I just like it a lot. But that's the only time I'll up it.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Good work Eng, felt like you strolled this out instead of putting every line under a microscope which made a refreshing change. It was smooth but it felt like you'd rattled it off almost on the fly. You had some awesome one liners in this. The 'soul/ sacrifice/cold patch of ice' in particular caught my eye. I liked how the final verse kind of turned the whole piece into a love letter to a gal (or at least something like that). Strong rhymes but not drowning in multi's, good vocab and great imagery as usual. Good to see the older heads are keeping their edge on here.

Keep on posting.