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Thread: First Verse

  1. #1
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    First Verse

    Got no girlfriend, and girls are good for your health,Know what I mean? Uh, at least I work for myself,You see me here, kid, and I rhyme crazy,Used to have a job reading to a rich blind lady,You rhyme crazy, and sometimes you rhyme lazy, But I love this rap game, ?cause rhyming is my baby, Visually, lyrically I?m known as a mystery,Y?all couldn?t even see me on HDTV,

  2. #2
    Since '04 Shawn Mac's Avatar
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    Re: First Verse

    wow..

    uhm...

    First of all, you need a structure, so that your shits organized and makes sense. You can write it any way you want, but it should look like this...

    ashdgajhsgdjahsgdjhasasdasdasdasdasd/
    asdasdasdasdasdasdadasdasdadsasdasda/
    asdadsasdasdadasdasdasdasdasdasdadas/
    asdasdasadadasdadasdadadassdsdasdasa/
    ashdgajhsgdjahsgdjhasasdasdasdasdasd/
    asdasdasdasdasdasdadasdasdadsasdasda/
    asdadsasdasdadasdasdasdasdasdasdadas/
    asdasdasadadasdadasdadadassdsdasdasa/
    ashdgajhsgdjahsgdjhasasdasdasdasdasd/
    asdasdasdasdasdasdadasdasdadsasdasda/
    asdadsasdasdadasdasdasdasdasdasdadas/
    asdasdasadadasdadasdadadassdsdasdasa/
    ashdgajhsgdjahsgdjhasasdasdasdasdasd/
    asdasdasdasdasdasdadasdasdadsasdasda/
    asdadsasdasdadasdasdasdasdasdasdadas/
    asdasdasadadasdadasdadadassdsdasdasa/

    each line of random bullshit being half a bar. theres other ways to give it structure, but thats just an example.

    Secondly, you need to take your time and figure out what you want in your "verse". Do you wanna go audio with it, or just stick to text rapping/poetry, cuz thats really gonna influence the way you want to write your verse in order to really grab the person thats hearing/reading it

    Third, Pick a topic. "im dope" isnt a topic unless you know how to flow with it, and thats only in audio. Self Glorification isnt cool in text 99% of the time. Stick to your one frame of mind. You wanna rap about your psycho ex girlfriend, then do it, but stick to the subject. Dont throw in some random rich blind lady.

    Fourth, and most important step to elevating in any area for any reason, is that you need to be able to accept criticism, Both good and bad, and work with it. Take the hate and find a positive. Take the positive and find a reason to work harder. Always practise.

    That is all from me for now.

    Pz.


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  3. #3
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    Re: First Verse

    I'm posting on my ps3 it doesn't allow me to post it normal

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    Re: First Verse

    Thank you for your comment

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    Re: First Verse

    Get a new name too.
     

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  6. #6
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    Re: First Verse

    Ok, thanks

  7. #7
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    Re: First Verse

    You understand though right? If your just dickin around from your PS3 cuz your bored then ok, if you want to be even considered something to look at, I'd change it.
     

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  8. #8
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    Re: First Verse

    it's going to be while before i get a laptop

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    Re: First Verse

    if you knew about the pain i felt about the life I was dealtwould you stand there and ask for help or would you fall, ball, would you be a victim to it allwould you crawl, and not try to get up off the flooror would you stand up on two feet and man upand not fall when the wheel begins to stear toughthats a question we all gotta answer ill tell you like this I aint dependin on no damn luck
    MC Ghosty here.
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  10. #10
    Since '04 Shawn Mac's Avatar
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    Re: First Verse

    here, I think your trying to rhyme too much. Its hard to follow your bars sometimes without a structure, but yeah. Thats what I got from that. Showing your power to rhyme is cool, but you gotta be able to still say something with it, and not just ramble on or its just gonna sound lame most times.

    kinda sounded like you stuck to a subject I think...?

    More so then last time anyways, so good job I guess. Keep workin on it.

    In my opinion man, if you really wanna get better and gain the skills, go straight poetry for a while first before trying to rap. Doesnt have to be all sentimental n girly shit, but just a softer slower type of pace. Build your flow from that, and then after a while, your writing content will improve, as will your ability to communicate through writing as opposed to the spoken word. Cuz people cant hear you, and cant hear the way you want them to sound. You need to be able to express yourself through writing in ways that most people dont/cant.

    Thats my word for the day

    Hope it helps..

    Pz

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  11. #11
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    Re: First Verse

    Might be cause of the text format, but it felt really rushed. I can't imagine you being able to do this audiowise without running out of air somewhere after the first line or two. definitely needs structure, tho.

  12. #12
    Since '04 Shawn Mac's Avatar
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    Re: First Verse

    hes on his ps3, he cant make a structure. its lame. lol
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  13. #13
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    Re: First Verse

    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn Mac... View Post
    hes on his ps3, he cant make a structure. its lame. lol
    He could use the slash button/Pretty cheap feature that I'm sure his PS3 will have.

  14. #14
    Since '04 Shawn Mac's Avatar
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    Re: First Verse

    ^^ Fair enough. I thought about that right after I posted last night lol
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  15. #15
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    Re: First Verse

    Got a girl in the trunk
    How long will she last
    She won't remember anything she is too fucking drunk
    I went out with her in the past
    Driving down the quiet lane
    My head is bouncing with rage
    She caused me too much pain
    I remember when she hit me on stage
    She left me for a guy called Mitch
    My life is no longer worth living
    She just a fucking drunken bitch
    That time at thanksgiving
    Tied a boulder to her feet
    Dragged her across the floor
    She a fucking cheat
    Lots of gore
    MC Ghosty here.
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