Life Changes.

[StaCC]

Thanks to : Damz and Illmatic for the tips... i think this one i improved a lot way more then my others

Beat Used :


(How Did This Happen!)
from growin up strong... to now barley withstand
from walkin with a baseball... to now with drugs in my hand
from a straight cap...to now with a hood on my head
from rich kids... to now rarely able to be fed
from clear white eyes... to now a dazed,bloodshot red
from happy celebrations... to now my friends being dead
from a broken guitar... to now my gun being jammed
from snitchin on kids... to now myself being canned
from growin up with high expatiations... to now just low
from growin up with great talent... to now just let it go
(How Did This Happen!)


"Livin"... it was was fun... but now i just hate
"Wishin... it was done.... and i could just take
"Killin" every mistake... that i just keep having to make
because what i did then... has now made god send
whatever he can... to take my life quickly to an end
because a test with a set of rules he had strickly givin me
but i disobeyed them so this pain will forever livin me
he took away all my relief and left me with nothin but grief
and in me he has no belief... so now i just pray for him to forgive
and if he doesnt care to do anythin.. than for myself ill mak sure to outlive



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...976/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...072/index.html

[Soule]

alright, damz and illmatic gave you help? their still elevating as well. the style you used... until you become an enhanced writer.. avoid this type of structure from now on. it's repetitive and annoys readers. work on your wording. it's too... well... somewhere between simple and messy. also, strengthen your rhymescheme. get some dope multies and a multi rhyme at the end of each line. but make sure the wording still makes sense.

[Mr.Schizzy]

I thought you piece was basic on a multitude of point, like your having depth and vocab to your verse,
So that you can get attention to the readers with lyrics that aren't
the same old stuff
your structure and flow was good in this though

over all i would give your piece a 5 out of 10

keep working on it and you will get better in no time

[StaCC]

it wasnt like they really helped me on this like that it was just something they commented on one of my OM

thx for the comments... appreciated

[StaCC]

uppin

[StaCC]

uppin2

[Hollow Cost]

i liked this piece, i was feeling it. im not big into the whole praying and god thing but everyone has their own beliefs. it was a decent rap explaining struggles in life and changes for the worst. some of the rhymes were a little simple and there could have been better wording. overall a decent peice. keep writing. -love

[StaCC]

thx man... it was because my bro when i was discussing something with him he basically said god is giving a test etc. so i based it off what he kind of said