Humanity

[Soul Slayer]

Tarnished dreams curl -up and crumble,
kissing the ground like a todler's stumble.
A result of life's turbulant embrace
etching complacency in our fall from grace
by men's inquisitive hand, we burn in our quagmires.
Hugged by scotching infernos of a modest sapphire.

Frabricated smiles lay waste, shrouded by swelling intensity.
Caught between mudy plashes, murky thougts tweak one's velocity
reviving dead memories attched to sediments & hope.
Hope that, someday we may dwell humorniously as a people,
swarming sordid lands like drones and quadrriple.
Thus
By our solemn vow to make peace
may we enjoy the true experience
served this the sweet lingering tast of
Humanity

[Soul Slayer]

I'm using my phone. Abi or Spoken, please grab my links from thhe pieces i just left feed on. Thanks

[Soul Slayer]

Upping feed lads & lass

[LosFerra]

ah man, you need to work on this piece a little more and repost it, no where near the caliber of your last iece bro. Like it's one thing to use more sophisticated words and another to use them appropriately like "complacency" and "quagmires." kinda through off the flow of this piece cause one the syllabel count and two their alward sounding werds, maybe not complaceny, but defiantly quagmires. I'm not saying the words should never be used in a piece just saying I would'nt sacrifice my flow and rhythm of my piece. Another thing if your going to use a simpler diction then go that route, but you can't flip flop, you have to commit and whats a piece without commitment. Well aside from that and the over done topic I feel there's some potential in this piece, just gotta put more heart into it bro.

please don't flame me or my future piece's, because of this, I actually have more than enought links for my next piece, but I did this outta kindness, not that I think your one of those kinda dudes, just saying.

[Soul Slayer]

lol, i wont. I'll edit it. I wrotte it just to keep busy. The actual piece will come the week in PS with a different topic

[LosFerra]

Lol just covering my bases these cats now and days act like they cant take constructive criticism, I look forward to it dude.