Hey Santa, hows it up there on the north pole
tell mrs. clause, merry chirstmas, and stay out the cold
tell the reindeer, if they can, fly real slow
just for my father, so he can believer just lil mo
just wonderin, if you can change wat i want on your list
dont want no toys, no clothes, i just need one wish
and i swear its gonna be good and not selfish
i would wish that my dad could be here this chirstmas
~U.D.~
...THE DYNASTY WONT BE STOPPED...
~UNSTOPPABLE DYNASTY~
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,
so sad
I know how it feels...being away from family on a big holiday...
I don't even wanna critique this
*hugs*
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[YOUTUBE]HoTqpEu_Vc4[/YOUTUBE]
"... for this was how I thought
poetry worked: you digested experience and shat
literature...."-William Mathews
A heartfelt poem good sir. I have to critique though. It really hit home with me because in 01 i lost my own dad so i can relate to some extent with this plus i'm listening to a sad song right now. lonely days- system of a down. Ok, you need to write your words in full. The raw words helpped you this time but you need to use appropriate language with most poems so that nothing feels or reads awkard.
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
I need you to check the rules.
Any poem you drop needs to have 2 links to other poems with quality feedback.
Check the rules thread.
cheers
This was sweet and sad, I grew up with my father, but I had a lot of friends without one and seeing the struggle of growing up without a dad I always had a soft spot in my heart for piece's like these. I'm not going to talk about the mechanics of this piece and what not cause I feel this was a personal piece and wasn't necisarily meant to be picked apart at. So I'm going to leave it at good job and you damn there had my eyes tear up lol, hope to see you around bro and keep your head up, he's with you every step of the way with thee lord at his side, do em proud and stay out the streets and live, thats all he and God could ask for.
Good poem, sometimes word and flow is nothing to a true wish.
Deep, defenitely heart felt I enjoyed this nothin bad to say about somethin that comes from the heart!
Bosschick
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