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Thread: punches

  1. #1
    jib rip? Jake Photo's Avatar
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    punches

    is there seriously something wrong with my punches in my battles i think some of them are really good and im just gettin hate or its going over some heads, can someone please explain to me whats going wrong
    Jake Fauteux

  2. #2
    The Future Among Us The Nav Man™'s Avatar
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    Re: punches

    Drop a punch or 2, I'll give you some pointers n crits. Not sayin I'm pro n shit but I know how to throw an okay decent punch
    Trapped within the lights of the city..
    Where it looks full of life but inside it's all empty..
    And from outside it's all tempting..
    What..it's all lies upon entry..

    :noor:
    [YOUTUBE]uGEHlYk4M5c[/YOUTUBE]

  3. #3
    jib rip? Jake Photo's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    i'll just take a verse from one of my battles and just tell me what im doing wrong in it

    this was my most recent battle against trebol kleff

    you wish u could hit the g clef
    really your just a grungy deaf

    if your shitty rap is a 1 man band
    then its like gettin a monkey in a plane to land

    sorry for buryin you in a bottomless pit
    forced you to quit, no longer can you spit

    you spit so much you even talk at trail
    oh shit here it comes now hes in denial

    i think you should abstain before we all go insane
    to much of the cocaine got you thinkin your a rap arcane
    Jake Fauteux

  4. #4
    Da Boss T Abo 3amter's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    they are weak

    you have kind of the point but it lacks substance.....

    like u compared hitting a note with a deaf person... but expand ... to me your lines are to short... and just basic

  5. #5
    jib rip? Jake Photo's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    shouldnt shorter lines be better though because its more direct
    Jake Fauteux

  6. #6
    Here, use this <-- Trebol Kleff's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    na, becuss u gotta have a setup, then da punch, yur misleadin yur setups . u make no sence basically . u gotta make yur punch make sence wid yur setup sumtimes
    - Who want it ? :hosea:

  7. #7
    jib rip? Jake Photo's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    ok can you break down the verse i posted and tell me whats wrong with it then, people are telling me im wrong but not showing me how to fix it
    Jake Fauteux

  8. #8
    Here, use this <-- Trebol Kleff's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    you wish u could hit the g clef
    really your just a grungy deaf

    dis is barely a bar, and the wording is horrible

    if your shitty rap is a 1 man band
    then its like gettin a monkey in a plane to land

    this is close, but agen wording and setup is horrible

    sorry for buryin you in a bottomless pit
    forced you to quit, no longer can you spit

    u gotta bring a wayyy harder punch

    you spit so much you even talk at trail
    oh shit here it comes now hes in denial

    i dont even no wdf u did here ..

    i think you should abstain before we all go insane
    to much of the cocaine got you thinkin your a rap arcane

    this is better, but still trash
    - Who want it ? :hosea:

  9. #9
    jib rip? Jake Photo's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    tellin me it isnt good doesnt do much i already know that :P point out what i should put like in order to improve it, everything your tellin me is to general, like show me howd you change it to make it better then i can do a comparision and see what it lacks, please and thank you
    Jake Fauteux

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! !!Syco-Logic!!'s Avatar
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    Re: punches

    key to punches...

    #1 humor...that works like a charm

    #2 embarass...flip somethin personal...the more recent, the better

    #3 wit...this includes nameplay and wordplay...somethin' new that aint played

    make sure your bar includes at least one of these key elements...they are in order of importance

    if it seems kinda weak to you it'll be way weak to the voters
    entertainment is the main factor in punching

    make em(the voters) feel joy or pain, thats key

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  11. #11
    Death fears me. Jason Voorhees's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    ^ nice break down

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Phazed*'s Avatar
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    Re: punches

    Quote Originally Posted by Jake CashMoney Fauteux View Post
    shouldnt shorter lines be better though because its more direct
    You could make shorter lines out of complete bullshit that is totally indirect and senseless.

    You could make longer lines out of complete bullshit that is totally indirect and senseless.

    The length of your bars shouldn't have any bearing on how hard-hitting they are. If you can fit it in a shorter scheme go for it, but you have to remember you're text battling. It will show in audio if your shit is too stretched, but if you're just texting I don't really see the difference, there's no beat that it needs to follow

    On improving your punches, however, you need to have a relevant set up. When you have a line that doesn't provide any sort of purpose for your punch, it's just filler. When you have a punch that doesn't pack any kind of sting, that's just filler as well. Try using a simile or a metaphor or something. The problem with your bars is they look like they were written by a 4th grader. Your rhymes are forced, and there's really no insult or humor in them at all. You have to make the voters laugh or cover their mouth and scream "Ohhhhhhhh" when they read your shit.

    Long story short, there's no way to "fix" your bars. Keep writing, and check out how some of the vets do their thing. Syco gave you some crucial advice, follow it. Practice makes perfect mang
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  13. #13

    Re: punches

    I accept with information:
    #1 humor...that works like a charm

    #2 embarass...flip somethin personal...the more recent, the better

    #3 wit...this includes nameplay and wordplay...somethin' new that aint played

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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! KiiD ExClusiivE's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    its not the length thats the problem,,you just have to obtain a different way of wording in to getting your point across that will make a spectator be like "god dayum it brah" lol

    such as this:You talk gully, but im gully, so I blast shots, your team cheerleaders, you da captain, but all that actin make you da mascot.

    I dont gotta act, You do a murder you go to jail, the death penalty is for us to battle rap, yu get chopped from the waist down from the battle Axe, I dont play with my food I just scatter snacks

    concept brah
    "You think You nice on a microphone? but get a vest cus da only mic you gettin on is attached to your chest"-KiiD
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  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! KritiK's Avatar
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    Re: punches

    Quote Originally Posted by Jake CashMoney Fauteux View Post
    shouldnt shorter lines be better though because its more direct
    Nahh fam.
    This is entirely wrong.
    Because your length of the bar doesn't have anything to do with how good it is.
    You can have the best punchlines with a 6 syllabled bar...
    Or you could have the best punchline with 12 syllables..
    Length doesn't determine how good a bar is...
    What you say in it does.

    And no offense homie.
    Im just trying to help you out on your learning...
    And them lines were terrible homie.
    Like I said.. Just giving you some constructive criticism.

    For example:

    Like Cyssero once said:
    "Ya bitch a termite she be all on my wood"
    or
    "I be on the mic snappin like a lobster in a fight"

    Call me a Cyssero dick rider all you want but that shit was the rawest punchlines I have ever heard in a track so far.

    Just a few examples homie.
    Also,
    I noticed your lines all consisted of 2 bars..
    A punchline is a single bar, but if your going for a double then thats even better.

    KritiK

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