Love Hate Life Death Please

[Flipped]

LOVE HATE LIFE DEATH PLEASE

Hook:

Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please
Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please
My knuckles so scared they can barely bleed
Started blocking buckles they handled every need
Greed started my hustle now my kids bear the seed
Now who’s staring down the barrel??
It’s fucken me!!
Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please

Vs 1:

Early on I sufferd the blows of a heavy hand
My mental structure so fractured it barely expand
Actions from my anger bring on a god’s backhand
Now I’m a man my boy,, that can barely stand

Early mental abuse I got God Complex.
I was so confused to put it in context,
It’s like taken last hit. You don’t wanna blow out
Ya get all light headed like you about to pass out
Then the moment hit’s,,,, You begin to fly
Forgettn bout your body needn breath before ya die
Then OOAaaahhhhthe exhale,,,,,
,,,,, Your spirit floats free as your body lies numb.
That’s how it was for me cause all my feelings were gone

Hook:

Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please
Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please
My knuckles so scared they can barely bleed
Started blocking buckles they handled every need
Greed started my hustle now my kids bear the seed
Now who’s staring down the barrel??
It’s fucken me!!
Love, Hate, Life, Death, Please

Vs. 2:

By seven suicidal by eleven gave up on heaven
Older I got bolder as a loving heart grew colder
And as for school, all that shit seemed so trivial
But matters of life and death grew instrumental

See, My family was deep in the ministrey
All eyes on me that’s why the punished me
Branded me a smoker from soot of a fire poker
But I would soon I could, already called sinner
God was comin and I was runnin given a shit raisen hell

Went to my fathers to drink his Scotch n Water
Women walk in Then I’d listen to climactic holl

[Kizmit_TUC]

this piece was.. differnt... nice.. uhh honestly i have never incountered a piece like this man

[Flipped]

I know my style is very linear, My father is a published poet who critisized my work early on and I kept the style but gave up on using it. Now that Im disabled I have the time and decided to write again. So yeah my work will be very diffrent from the average rooky

[artisan.]

I loved the opening ha xD

Vs. 1 fell off with the rhyming at the end, i think and the second verse was just kinda all over the place as far as rhyming goes... on another note, there is nothing wrong with poems if you want to write open mics I guess just focus on bars and get the basics handled until it come more natural then you will be set ...

[Flipped]

Your right Miss. Im not sure how to fix the 1st vs but the 2nd is off. I should write more the story of each experience which could actually give me more verse. What ya think over all?? I threw this together with the new advice from feed back on other pieces. If ya like the hook you called the start maybe I'll scratch the rest and start back from the hook. What ya think??

[artisan.]

I like the hook, however Im more of a poet...if you made this into an audio it would have to be all attitude to make it have more of an OM feel.

I really like the opening and the first verse, but the second one needs work, have you tried switching up the order of the verses? the second verse seems more of a reflection than here n now, so it might change the piece up if you put that section first...just a thought

overall I think you are a good story teller and content and clarity are on point

[Flipped]

great feedback Miss. I edited the post you wrote back on. Your so fast you beat me but you answerd it all anyway psychic.

[Clint]

I like the hook, however Im more of a poet...if you made this into an audio it would have to be all attitude to make it have more of an OM feel.

I really like the opening and the first verse, but the second one needs work, have you tried switching up the order of the verses? the second verse seems more of a reflection than here n now, so it might change the piece up if you put that section first...just a thought

overall I think you are a good story teller and content and clarity are on point

ayo i lost the other tred what part of tx u in? I just moved to Dallas

[Flipped]

ayo i lost the other tred what part of tx u in? I just moved to Dallas

Come on man really, You use my thread to post Miss and not give feed back to me. Really,,,, WRITE HER ON HER PROFILE!! Besides TX is the butt plug of America Dumb Ass

[Clint]

Come on man really, You use my thread to post Miss and not give feed back to me. Really,,,, WRITE HER ON HER PROFILE!! Besides TX is the butt plug of America Dumb Ass

My bad ur right, not really feelin da chorus... I guess I need to kinda hear it but u say some real deep shit if ur a depressed emo like fucka I guess its tight.

[Flipped]

Cry, plz delete these last 2 posts. If I can how do I??
hes quick too... ok leave em.
Hey Tex thanks for the feed back

[Clint]

Nash dis RAWW fuck dude

[Flipped]

Nash dis RAWW fuck dude

Im a slow typer and I edited the post bc I then saw your feedback when done. So I say thanks for reading my post on depression bc I hate seing the loss of the great insight those times can give. Cool

[Clint]

wow..

[Clint]

damn