Snagged

[dreaming_awake]

“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”



Snagged


Tantalizing sweetgrass
sucks me under,
tugs me through the current
refrain.
I only wanted to test the waters...
perhaps a skinny toe,
or a gnarled finger.
Never,
oh never
did I imagine
the coursing careening
catastrophe
soon-to-be.

Capillary absorption,
this feeling for which
I seem to maintain a constant desire.
Our commensalism is rapidly transforming,
assuming form of some concept
intense and sinister.




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...127/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...752/index.html

[Alyse Miller]

i liked the first line you said simple an effective on to your piece i like this not that many big words it seemed you tried to be your self here. keep this style its effective just keep polishing up your imaginary an detail wording was ok but can be better. overrall nice little read i liked this

[djrubiks]

I like poems with brief, accelerating lines; not only that but this keeps a nice solid rhythm through out, it just kind of rolls off the tongue. Its neat that both stanzas start with plant references, or seemingly plant references, depending on how capillary is viewed. It kind of also is the exact opposite of getting sucked under as stated in the start and leads nicely into the end. I wish I could say more but I'm having trouble piecing it together to form one central idea. I understand it in pieces, I think, but not as a unified whole. I do like the ending a lot though, I think even if you left out intense and sinister, for whatever reason, I'd still get that feeling. Nice work.