Sacrifice

[Tim]

Sacrifice



Smile! the happiest day of my life, I stop and thank Christ
A blessing beyond all, next to my wife, but I sacrificed-
My dreams, to be realized in the heat of passions eyes
Ambition dies next to a babies cries, but after numerous tries
The word from the wise, I can't create life, but why
WHY GOD!! why must I die baptized, blinded by wife's disguise
Of LOVE but hidden hate and debate of our bonded fate
But wait, timid and soft her beautiful face, begins to take shape
Her heart beats, pulls my mind into outer space beyond all place
My being raced, spanning to the shadows of womb to what we create
The joy filled my heart as it swelled n overflowed into my lungs
The feel every breathe, her very soul seemed to lunge
At my future, and look at him his smile piercing my fate
A baby boy to pass my grace, and cherish my face
Time seemed swift, as the gift dangled its prize
in the white lights, i can see the care in my wife’s eyes
the arrival was set, the date began as no other
She bared her all, her strength drips bloody in the covers
Their hearts rhythm steady, but hers ended with out a trace
Her body laid limp cold, my lips took hold of her face
My life felt as if it was traveling with her hand n hand
Across dry deserts, cool oceans, and calm sands
But I felt her slipping away, my wife's face passed in a glaze
Her sacrifice was great, my mind crazed I accept her fate
Open my sight to reality to reveal a blessing greater still
In order for one twin to survive the other must be killed
what is sacrifice, some say Christ defines the subject best
So I hung from a rope with my daughter against my chest
To ask GOD in person what it truly is?

[Tim]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...552/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...671/index.html

[Soule]

Dope as fuck read dude, I'll nominate this after I'm done. I really dug the story/concept. Really thoughtful and heart warming. Your wording was smooth, and I really got into this rhymesceme and it's flow. Went by so thoroughly. There were a lot of really good lines, like the 'wife's disguise of love' and 'daughter/chest' line. Lots of fantastic imagery in this piece. Lots of great emotion too. Dope read dude, keep writing.

[sintense]

Yeah i wus feelin this. Like saturn said the concept wus tight. good imagery, nice scheme, dope flow. very good story.

[Tim]

gracias yall uppers

[Essen]

This is quite a piece you got here.

Right from the start, your ability to engage the reader was really evident. There's an intense picture with someone going into an emergency room, and the first line is "smile! the happiest day of my life, I stop and thank christ". The twist at the beginning made me very into the piece. The flow especially towards the beginning was flawless. From "my dream" to "..wife's disguise", it had such a smooth read. I also really liked the "my lips took hold of her face", although such a simple concept, I thought it was worded very well; often times I feel the simplest sentences or concepts are toughest to word. The only thing I would have done slightly differently is expand the ending a little bit. When asking "what is sacrifice?", I thought it could be explored a little more in depth, but that did not in any shape or form affect the piece as a whole. A real eerie last couple of lines, I really liked the way the everything came together referring back to the title.

Awsome job with this, stay up. If you could drop some feed on mine, I'd really appreciate it.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...291/index.html

[Squabbles]

some good rhymes, good story. thought the flow could have been better, less wordy in some spots. would be hard to rap it all to a beat. keep it up though.

[sILLable]

i read this the other day but i havent left feed yet,dopeness,most everything you drop is dopeness,i loved the use of imagery,it painted a picture well,the emotion was overflowing,the sadness of the loss outweighs the happiness of the unexpected arrival,nice twist,you couldnt have kids so they exchange was a life for a life per say..just very nicely done,loved the rhyme scheme i loved the wordplay and your use of vocab,everything tied this piece together so nicely,nothing negative to say,i always expect dope pieces from you and you never fail to impress,very ill piece..keep droppin ill pieces.~1~

[Adela The Resalah]

This was crazy.
I also liked how you started off the verse with "Smile! The happiest day of my life" after the photo of someone in a hospital bed. I liked the contradiction.
Flowed pretty well and the multis were on point.
I liked many lines in the piece because of the way you worded everything.

Example:
Open my sight to reality to reveal a blessing greater still
In order for one twin to survive the other must be killed

This line just hit for some reason, I liked the reality in it.

Your closing line obviously hit the hardest though...

Example:
So I hung from a rope with my daughter against my chest
To ask GOD in person what it truly is?

This was very intense and real, you worded it very well.
It just hits you when you read it.

Great piece, I enjoyed reading it and love how you put together your sentences.
Overall - 8.5/10

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

this was fuckin nice tim

the imagery was amazing and from the very first line u made me read cuz u pulled me into it. the flow was raw the content was ridiculously nice, u follow the story perfectly like it doesnt stray at all, yet u didnt sacrifice the ryhme to stay on the story or didnt sacrifice the story to stay on the ryhme scheme, it was fucking nasty man.

props on this piece