A Small Crime
What have I become? Apologies bottled up in the lungs -
Cumbersome love leaking at needle point in watery sums,
Tolerant tongues never speak of such stagnant thoughts.
Imagine her soft glow scattering off the damp table-top
Where we spilled our guts to each other, so unbecoming of us
I want in every way to love her but I'm festered by her wonders
The awe inspiring tundra of her frigid heart kills our spark
Still beating, filled with tar - scared through every brittle part
The little marks on her wrist only make it harder to live
But she's an artist and her scope exceeds farther than his
How could I judge her - sadomasochist, my delicate pacifist
No devilish alchemist could change the element our magic is
- Fire - Imagine it, we've mastered it, You - my beautiful muse
I've intruded in you, stole your heart, and I've got no excuse
Just don't leave me, bleeding, crumbling, teetering - falling
Dreaming - of Autumn, before the snowy death of my darling
Screaming, sobbing, "Bring her back God, I'll be good, I promise!"
Her eyes; iconic - dying for a chance I might have tarnished
To bring her back from the darkness, "Baby I'm so sorry,
I said I could live without you but without you I'm nobody."
I was so young, it was the age of innocent play
The more simple of days in the calendars ticking array
Something turned me livid and grey in Decembers midst
The day that I met her - how could I not remember it
Those tempered eyes, those tender lips - It was love
At first sight - I couldn't get enough of the little dove
It was the worst night, I remember that cursed knife
That dirty faced person - a stranger -
-- why did i let him hike her skirt high?
Those shrill first cries, I just closed my eyes, hiding
Riding it out in the bushes while she tried to fight him
He climbed inside her and her eyes filled with tears
I was stuck still with fear telling myself "I could kill him here!"
"Well why didn't you!? You fucking pussy, you're pitiful!
You watched! You fucking watched and didn't move - didn't you!"
The horrid memory haunts me to the marrow of bone
I can't sterilize the thought, swept up in a terrible cold
I saw, but I can't let her know - She means too much to me
A lie is only right when the truth cuts too deep -
My bumble bee, buzzing with life when we married in spring
But the sting of things to come was always there within me -
I couldn't flick it out - the poison was already in our house
Pain she couldn't share with a witness she never knew about
Seven years, I kept the lie going - never letting my eyes show it
Trying to stop her from devouring sleeping pills in high doses
Our psychosis, mortal ties broken by my unaltered silence
her light dims, tortured eyes always have the calmest eyelids
Just let her sleep, she's always tired and it's all my fault
I should have done something, I could of, I was always smart
I was just afraid and that fear cost me my babies name
My secrets maintained in vane, I couldn't make her stay
Now everyday I pray, I hope she forgives me of that crime
That night - I can still hear her begging,
"Baby kill me one more time."
Just like that dirty faced stranger -
Damn.
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