No one has gave me any feedback and im really tryna get better. Can someone tell what they like,dont like,what i need to work on? Just some constructive crisism please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...972/index.html
No one has gave me any feedback and im really tryna get better. Can someone tell what they like,dont like,what i need to work on? Just some constructive crisism please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...972/index.html
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you should post the verse here I guess
カミノコトバ
post it here so we can see it here
OKC
Here it is
Honestly,this right here is for all of yall to remember me
Leave you with more than just sick wordplay,metaphors and similes
Divine thoughts keep me sane to things that are real to me
Im just tryna get more buzz than a killer bee
Realest being,snap to reality and conceal my dream
You must be paralyzed if you aint feelin me
Cubic cerconia boys,never 100% real to me
Neva gave me nuttin and all I asked was for you to be real wit me
Behind my back always got something to say about me
But If I wasn't around you wouldnt say ish about me
Wishful thinking, this world is filled with hataz
But I aint trippin cuz they make me paper
But at times,people have selective lies that affect my live
But redemption thrives as I relax my mind
Cleansing thoughts that do not lead me to success
I strive to be the best and nev coming close to less
That's the reason that I stress,hopin this piece is touchin
This is Yung Skeeme and consider this my introduction
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It's a nice outlook but I feel it needs more fire
like if you're going to use
You must be paralyzed if you aint feelin me
Cubic cerconia boys,never 100% real to me
Neva gave me nuttin and all I asked was for you to be real wit me
Behind my back always got something to say about me
But If I wasn't around you wouldnt say ish about me
These are all single rhymes. Try workin with doubles and up like with the killer bee part keep that coming n' if you feel like usin' the scheme as rhyme me rhyme me rhyme me it's good but it's just not enough to stand out so heat it up with another rhyme if possible no what I mean? I felt the flow was a little off when you say neva gave you nothin....
That line to me was off but I didn't hear you rap it so I'm not sure how you're particular style played into that.
And Cleansing thoughts that do not lead me to success. The wording was off I like how you rhymed best, nev rhyme though that was new to me It veered off topic a little too
But it was a good piece just try workin' on that n' you got real potential
Last edited by Trucker T; October 28th, 2009 at 12:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Trucker T
Appreciate the feed
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good multis but could be a little strong pack a little more punch. it seems like you say what you mean and vice versa but you could sound a little more passionate with wording
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