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Thread: The Thin Line....

  1. #1
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    The Thin Line....

    Warning: Long read, any feedback is appreciated though, even if just in parts lol, but yea thanks in advance

    The thin line between love and hate....


    Believe it in my heart, its my weapon and im certain.....
    Your not the best, but all ur imperfections make u perfect
    I need you, lemme get one chance just to see u......
    All i need is a sample a preview
    See from the start, i could never picture me n u being apart....
    U were the locksmith designin the key to my heart
    Negative and positive, learned that every opposite....
    Attracted energy that could only be confessed anonymous

    But the problem is your promises.... theyre all synonymous......
    The lies, and if i tried to list em all, id die amiss
    The things we coulda shared, yes u shouldve cared.....
    And compared to what I did for me, u wouldnt dare
    And i know that everytime i see you its all love....
    Ill never lie again and extend with the false blood
    I called us done... over because of fate.....
    We were blinded by that thin line between love and hate

    Its hard on this tight rope........im balancin....
    Its a thin line between deep and shallow ends
    When we together im alive when u around.....
    If not, then imma die and feel like im destined to drowned
    Always, ive been high... u kept my head to the ground...
    Pray that u hear the truth of what im tellin u now
    I mean what the hell is the point when im gaspin for air....
    But no need for that, with u its always happiness here
    Never no questionin on whether we intimate....
    An eternity together forever, its infinite

    And im livin with... the truth and the significance......
    Of the distances, replaced between the instances
    Of life and death... But I accept the limitless.....
    Chances we have now, to become indigenous
    Its true, i believe in you to discover the right....
    But its too late, the correct is under the knife
    I struggle to write.. when im under the punishment's strife.....
    And your the only one i hate and love in my life
    Simultaneous emotions expressed, open my chest....
    And my heart pours its tears until my soul is destressed

    My lady, she blows by like a sweet breeze....
    ANd it sweeps me, off my feet, i get weak knees
    Everytime u greet me, i seem to wonder why.....
    My gut is feelin somethin eruptin with butterflies
    I've discovered why, my feelings can only decrease....
    Its ya face when im rubbin on the soles of ya feet
    Only retreat is correct when i cease to pretend....
    That our love is really something that we can ammend

    From the heart, its how i write and what i seek from the pen....
    And love is so blind, never seein again
    Never look with my eyes, and i stop witnessin....
    So instead of seein things, imma start listenin'
    And then i inevitably reminisce.....
    On the reasons we could never exist but just weather thin
    Lines that extend all the way to next day.....
    I can accept fate... ur love is the closed exit on the expressway


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...087/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...929/index.html
    C L [A] S H

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  2. #2
    Xtermnation Xtraordinaire Genocide's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    well.. ive never seen this side of you -ever

    dope as fucc.. really poetical.. more so than hip hoppish i think, the rhyme scheme was fuccin nasty and everythging was flowing on point -i think just the way you used certain words gave more a poetry feel -know what im saying..

    this piece stries a nerve with me because ive kind of been dealing with something like this a lot recently -some back and forth back and forth type of shyt with the b/m

    we all know how that goes.. its always good to sit back and put battling down for aminute and display true writing talent -this was a perfect exhibition and proved to me that youre more than just a nasty battle cat.. loved this piece man

    the best part was -even though i could see where you were headed the whole time.. none of it was played material.. the concepts been done a million times over -but i couldnt predict the the things you were gonna say due to good vocab choices.. nice

  3. #3
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    preciate it that man forreal, up
    C L [A] S H

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  4. #4
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    Hmmm. I read this because I`ve never seen a Open Mic piece from you. And this wasn`t bad. But I felt in a few parts it seemed like you were runnin` out of things to touch on for this type of piece. It happens. I do it myself and relationships/love is probably the easiest thing for me to express lol. So I know it`s not an easy task to do. I usually only tackle the theme when I`m drunk cuz that`s when I don`t hold anythin` back. I liked the endin` line of this though. I wish you would`ve done more with the piece in buildin` up to that concept. I think this woulda been more entertainin`. Like a "love`s highway" theme. I think you coulda had some nice concepts to go off of with that.

    A.i

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    *Click one of ^those to check out my music and shit

  5. #5
    The PeopLOLs Champ Hush's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    yadamean.
    Not Impressed

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    Nice rhymes man... was diggin them alot... Vocab was awsome kept it nice and interesting.... in parts it fell like the flow fell off but it was probs the i was reading it... but than again this comes off alot more like a poetical piece than a hip hop piece.
    the first verse:

    "Believe it in my heart, its my weapon and im certain.....
    Your not the best, but all ur imperfections make u perfect
    I need you, lemme get one chance just to see u......
    All i need is a sample a preview
    See from the start, i could never picture me n u being apart....
    U were the locksmith designin the key to my heart
    Negative and positive, learned that every opposite....
    Attracted energy that could only be confessed anonymous"

    Was my fav man... keep this shit up.
    If you dont mind could you return the feed to this man?
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...059/index.html

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Silhouettes's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    This was great. A lot of unusual rhymes, but you managed to walk on the right side of creative/forced (except 'die amiss' which I couldn't get to work in my head). Content was good, but I think you could've made it better by shortening it down a little bit. I was in this type of situation pretty much all last year and a bit into this year, so I can definitively relate, especially to beginning of your second stanza (which ended the relationship for me, despite my love). You balance between showing of your technical skill and portraying emotion was great, and I love these kind of pieces when done as well as this. Great job!
    [YOUTUBE]2DFR0vdPPM0[/YOUTUBE]
    It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
    what is essential is invisible to the eye.
    -Antoine de Saint Exupéry (The Little Prince)

  8. #8
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    Preciate the looks yall, will rtf tonight
    C L [A] S H

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  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! puredope's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    http://www.let-me-in.co.cc/browse.ph...RtbA%3D%3D&b=5

    this was cool the vocab was awesome. i really liked the flow and multi syllables you used. i liked the meaning behind this and i really like how you stayed on topic..good shit man best iv seen so far!!!

  10. #10
    Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    Its hard on this tight rope........im balancin....
    Its a thin line between deep and shallow ends
    When we together im alive when u around.....
    If not, then imma die and feel like im destined to drowned
    Always, ive been high... u kept my head to the ground...
    Pray that u hear the truth of what im tellin u now
    I mean what the hell is the point when im gaspin for air....
    But no need for that, with u its always happiness here

    thats myt fav part of this piece, but all in all it was deep n written well and a solid piece, wierd as fuck seeing it come from you lol but still dope either way

  11. #11
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    preciate it man, up
    C L [A] S H

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  12. #12
    double ya money 2triple0's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    Wow! I've never really felt so close to an artist's piece before... this really got inside my heart... you see the reason i feel like i related to this piece, was because i am in a similar relationship with pretty much all of my girlfriends... as much as i want them and love them at the exact same time we both hate each other... i just wrote a piece tonight earlier before i noticed this exactly about a love/hate relationship entitled 'Black Saturn: A Critical Perspective' I would love it if you checked it out and left some feedback... it is basically a critical perspective of a piece called 'Last to Know' by Black Saturn... 'Last to Know' is about a woman who is pregnant but it isn't her lover's baby and she explains this to him at the end of the piece and why they can't be together anymore... the other reason i related to this piece is because i am in a love/hate relationship (or was?) with a girl in my city, and i can completely understand how your protagonist feels about his girlfriend or wife... i think this piece has a lot to do with relationships and the role of women in a relationship... as well as the role of the man in the relationship... in my case, the relationship is all about dependency... i am dependent on my girl for a place to go hang out, and because i enjoy getting intimate with her... she really doesn't depend on my too much... i know you would say i'm whipped or whatever, but really i never call her that much and don't really even think about her that much... and that's why i related to this piece, because i'm in a complete love hate relationship not just with this girl but with pretty much everyone in the world.... lol anyways thanks for the read and hit up that piece if you get a chance... also another piece i've written if you wanted to check out some other shit is called 'Beauty and the Beast' it's down the bottom of the page on OM... alright pc

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  13. #13
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    uppin
    C L [A] S H

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  14. #14
    The PeopLOLs Champ Hush's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    ^^^
    Not Impressed

  15. #15
    ......BRANDON JENNINGS!!! ALIEN's Avatar
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    Re: The Thin Line....

    last up
    C L [A] S H

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