Falling|Fell|Felt

[P. Mortuus]

I was loyal like Foyle, fighting alone soiled by hate
from spoiled ingrates in crates- foiled and late
this isn't a rant more so a story- fame and glory
brave, bold & gory- then she became a whore he
loved victory- till I met lose-cy who was loose see
and moved me in ways winning couldn't ever
in the beginning we were never- then forever
then at dinner she'd abuse me in front of friends
and I found solace in the end- pills in dark dens
Depression pushed my buttons- date rape and abuse
used- beaten and bruised- she was a domina in truth
leather whips till your blue- purple and out of clue
a runaway running away in circles and confused
drunk on life- while she was drunk on strife
such a cliché couplet, so I fucked his knife
not a homo- more a hobo- eels for hair- el hombre lobo
prowling the night for food, I stood outside the window
Just a year ago- I had laughed at him outside the window
I became that guy, that fly that hovers and doesn't die
a burden on my peers- that never came near, but I know why
I stunk of yesterdays vomit- and today's sweat
sweet summer- and the not so sweet man undressed
I was nailed to the cross- nah this wasn't religious yet
just a failed existence, crushed under society's debt.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...556/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...705/index.html

[P. Mortuus]

..^

[P. Mortuus]

...

[Rosetti Frost]

I liked this alot..nicely written...as I am now still pretty new with story developement I liked the way you told your story...this piece had much emotion with a very depressing feel to it...back to how it was written, there was multis in here that I liked very much...this just had a way about it that you can feel the mood...

also I would like to thank you for the feed and critique on my drop...I will try to take into account the pointers you gave me in future drops...sorry I did not see this earlier or I would have left feed sooner...

[P. Mortuus]

np...thanks.

[AlphaMetric]

will edit feed here I promise.... and wb to OM P

[ALIEN]

This was very nicely written. ALl i can say right now at this point, kinda faded haha... but dope none the less. I feel like the rhyme scheme coulda been kicked up a notch, but the imagery was coo nonetheless, look forward to more.

Depression pushed my buttons- date rape and abuse
used- beaten and bruised- she was a domina in truth
leather whips till your blue- purple and out of clue
a runaway running away in circles and confused

was diggin those the most, nice drop.

RTF if ya can: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...071/index.html

[Tactixx]

This was pretty nice....I like the 'punchy' crisp flow...multis were done nice...it was a little short for me though, felt like you coulda developed a tad more....but the emotion and progression of the story was done well, you could feel a connection with the writer so that drew me into the story quickly...wording was nice with a few nice play on word sections...pretty dope drop to me...keep em comin...peace

[AlphaMetric]

I think this was really nice.... I see you have became a whole lot better with you flow then the few other pieces I've read.... nice...... anyways, I like how you went through it putting a lot of emotions to it, and a very nice imagery to it..... fav piece I'm read in weeks.......

I think ill nominate this stuff.... good work

[Calli]

i can relate to this peace i liked the darkness of it, the emptiness almost dispare through out the drop, emotion was good in all most all areas, i liked the style you used here, fit well with the direction. anyway im always a Fan of heart on the page types.

Good shit bruh

[Nahlidge]

Somethin` about your pieces that always turn me off a little. Like it`ll be goin` good. Then you`ll toss some randomness in it that aggravates me cuz I think you had somethin` good goin` lol. I understand it`s your style. But it irks me lol. Besides that. This was a cool piece. I liked the "the window" theme at the end. Was my favorite part of this.

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...253/index.html


This was a pretty good read, I enjoyed the poetic sense you had going on. Wording was dope as hell in some spots, but messy in others. (seemed forced in a few lines) The imagery was solid, some alright emotion. The ending may have been my favorite part of the entire verse, good read sir.