To the Dreamers: Stop Dreaming.

[Masahiko.]

To the Dreamers: Stop Dreaming.
by Utsuri

Scathed, bathed in dreams, I've stop understanding
Demanding, this grip on my future that's dancing,
Constantly honoring the only few who are standing
I don't want you're pity, I don't want your branding
An arm's racer, a star gazer, that's not my fancy
Head tilted back oh so slightly, jaws relaxed half open
Staring past space and the oceans, sitting there hopin'
It shows that the potions of chemists that're potent
Have changed what was real, and still you can't show us.

For ages the pages have been inked..
About mages, magicians who've caged the unseen.

I don't ever want to be labeled not able to succeed
Goals I never reach will fold, so unstable it heeds
me... you see me? I don't dream, fables are weak
I make reality that valiantly speaks, So I must linger
upon souls of the dreams of you poor fools untinkered.
Don't call me a dreamer, I'd rather you call me a thinker
Using imagery of the vicinity, and all for the reader.
So I pause on this finger, my pen, and my inked words.

So those who are cageless, rage 'n let rebirth,
In these stages the blind are painless 'n can't see hurt.

So I drive my legs deeper, I dive to land feet first.
Strive for my life, seek for peace, and let dreams burn.
Call me a "succeeder"...... unhallowed, a leader.
I watch the followed, in their bottles...
................. catching waves yet never see earth

Don't you dare call me a dreamer.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...507/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...01#post7257201

[Masahiko.]

and for thhose who give me quality feedback, I will give you the same in return.

[Cody Nash]

not bad. the language is the best quality here. everything is pretty elegantly phrased, and almost poetic. I like it. gives a new swing to OM every now and again with a piece like this one.. flow was nice.. kept a solid pace. it might've changed a couple times for the sake of good wording, but that's okay.

I make reality that valiantly speaks, So I must linger
upon souls of the dreams of you poor fools untinkered.
Don't call me a dreamer, I'd rather you call me a thinker
Using imagery of the vicinity, and all for the reader.
So I pause on this finger, my pen, and my inked words.

^^dug this lines.. last lines the most. it gave me a pretty solid understanding to what your were trying to get at. not too shabby. I like the concept a lot, pretty spot on as far as creativity and being a bit original about this shit goes.. overall, it was nicely worded, flowed well, and kept an elegance to it that had me reading. props on a nice read with, dare I say it in the OM!!! not many flaws about it. thanks again for the read.


- Nash

[Masahiko.]

Thanks a lot cry. I hope this shit aint slept on.

[Endeva.]

[FONT="Arial"]To the Dreamers: Stop Dreaming.
by Utsuri
Head tilted back oh so slightly, jaws relaxed half open
Staring past space and the oceans, sitting there hopin'
It shows that the potions of chemists that're potent
Have changed what was real, and still you can't show us.

^^ these were my favorite couple of bars, nice flow going, it wasnt bad all through but the first verse to me seemed to rattle off the tongue easier... seen this sort of drop a few times and yea thought you did a good job, not over complicated stuffed with unrecognizable wording, nah mean, a happy medium id say.... overall sum nice work

on a negative, like i was saying youre structure sort of changed half way through as i read it, nothing wrong with that, i just like what i like lol...

good jobby

[Oranges]

this was an extremely interesting read. I enjoyed the drop, but there were a few spots where I got lost and had to re read it.

Scathed, bathed in dreams, I've stop understanding
Demanding, this grip on my future that's dancing,
Constantly honoring the only few who are standing
I don't want you're pity, I don't want your branding
An arm's racer, a star gazer, that's not my fancy
Head tilted back oh so slightly, jaws relaxed half open
Staring past space and the oceans, sitting there hopin'
It shows that the potions of chemists that're potent

the structure on this is really really nice. there is a few places where it doesnt quite make sense though.....It shows that the potions of chemists that're potent........this line confuses me, I get a general idea but I dont think Im getting what the author is saying. a few of the places where I get hung up i think are spelling mistakes.

But good content and nice structure, made for an easy read. Maybe just look it over and repeat it to yourself a few times before posting to be sure it makes 100% sense.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...340/index.html

hit me back!

[Masahiko.]

I'll hit that link sometime tonight..

and that line doesn't make sense because it's only half of the sentence.

[Well Versed]

ight dude this was very interesting...so let me give u some feedback...

Scathed, bathed in dreams, I've stop understanding
Demanding, this grip on my future that's dancing,
Constantly honoring the only few who are standing
I don't want you're pity, I don't want your branding

diggin this first part for sure...very nicely worded with great flow...first bar was a nice opening to stop dreaming concept...ur 2nd bar was also good...honoring those few standing...dam that branding line was fucking deep...great start...

An arm's racer, a star gazer, that's not my fancy
Head tilted back oh so slightly, jaws relaxed half open
Staring past space and the oceans, sitting there hopin'
It shows that the potions of chemists that're potent
Have changed what was real, and still you can't show us.

For ages the pages have been inked..
About mages, magicians who've caged the unseen.

first bar n one line was nice...i like that not a star gazer...but ur there doing it anyway right?...lol potions was good...i liked ur wording...some good lines...last line was def good...liked that mages n cages shit...nice metaphor...

I don't ever want to be labeled not able to succeed
Goals I never reach will fold, so unstable it heeds
me... you see me? I don't dream, fables are weak
I make reality that valiantly speaks, So I must linger

dam some good shit right here...liked that first bar...good flow...nice wording...heeds was a nice ending...2nd bar had another good line bout not dreaming...valiantly speaks...that was pretty good...

upon souls of the dreams of you poor fools untinkered.
Don't call me a dreamer, I'd rather you call me a thinker
Using imagery of the vicinity, and all for the reader.
So I pause on this finger, my pen, and my inked words.

first bar was good...nice wording n some ok multiz...good non dreamer line again...that 2nd bar was great tho...imagery n vicinity...nice shit...ur last line was good too...

So those who are cageless, rage 'n let rebirth,
In these stages the blind are painless 'n can't see hurt.

So I drive my legs deeper, I dive to land feet first.
Strive for my life, seek for peace, and let dreams burn.
Call me a "succeeder"...... unhallowed, a leader.
I watch the followed, in their bottles...
................. catching waves yet never see earth

Don't you dare call me a dreamer.

that first bar bout being blind so they cant see tha pain is a lil played...but i still enjoyed it...ur 2nd bar was nice...i liked that feet first shit...whole diving metaphor...n that let my dreams burn...diggin that...3rd bar was nice...liked that multi...nice line bout watching their bottles...that last bar was good...extended tha bottles metaphor another line...it was good...waves n never see earth...dam i get that...this piece was very interesting...made me really think...i enjoyed this piece...A GOOD READ...keep on writing that good shit n stay up on ur craft!!!