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Thread: Clockwork Lemons

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Clockwork Lemons

    this was my verse for the SS championship.. thanks to those who voted on it and gave feed.. I'd like to see what others think of it though!






    Clockwork Lemons
    By: Cry



    They're all ready, Go! that mic in my hand is already known
    to a pair of lips, so to speak.. that are following hope..
    and they call to me; gloat! because these wannabe's boast -
    but I'm a superstar here 'til I cross the street, so..
    when all of these lemons start by calling me home,
    my past will be the last to ask 'cause it already knows.


    it already..


    Knows that everyday's at the top, every brain has been lost..
    in a way that's mistaken, placed my name in a cross,
    fame is the cost.. I've tried to break it and toss -
    each flame in the garbage, yet these flames just get hot,
    so I replace them with heart.. arteries burning,
    and playing with fire's just what this part of me's yearning,
    carving and curving, putting veins to the test..
    pumping words in all directions to fill the space in my chest,
    putting placement to rest.. I've found a formula that suits me,
    and usually I'd win the race in this portion of the movie..
    poor you? please! poor me, I've forgotton the object,
    got a blotch in the content where I'm jotting the nonsense,
    I've gotten lost in the topic.. and you're obviously snoring,
    wanting content and story when these qualities bore me..
    and so the hobby is torching.. yeah, back to the flame -
    because a thought CAN'T repeat.. nah, man that's insane!
    now I'll have to be crucified so ya'll can laugh in my face,
    stuck up there like Jesus.. attackin' the blame...

    but...

    I won't latch to this waste, unless there's nothing but sorrow,
    I'll just concoct up a piece for the second coming tomorrow,
    suggesting something is borrowed, but I'll never give it back,
    I'm not a biter, just writer.. one with clever wit n' tact...
    severing the facts and cutting down the genes of writing,
    until my mind spoke to the keyboard n' found that we were fighting,
    so crying, I swore to it by lying.. "I'll never write unless it works!
    unless the way was never written!!" (as I was typing up the words)
    lighting up the curve, shooting it straight into the mitts..
    of a catcher who was reading but never claimed to give a shit,
    chewing grains until they're split, so all too often on the top is..
    the sunflower seed... a scrawled up concept of a concept,
    one way too novice for an offence, to be defeated; lost in margine,
    waiting for the wolves to come and feed upon it's carcass..
    the people reaping all the market, selling to non-adults and critics,
    those guys that read the writing but are all too often dimwits,
    to steal from the pockets they were lit with, it's a hard way to fall,
    because the writing in their pieces came from our grains of salt..


    They're all ready, Go! that mic in my hand is already known
    to a pair of lips, so to speak.. that are following hope..
    and they call to me; gloat! because these wannabe's boast -
    but I'm a superstar here 'til I cross the street, so..
    when all of these lemons start by calling me home,
    my past will be the last to ask 'cause it already knows.


    it already..


    Knows.. these kids are black and blue, dismissed by habbit -
    doomed; to be kicked and laughed at in every niche they grab at,
    this shit's a grab bag.. where on a whim, originality's lost,
    'cause anywhere in the future, individuality costs..
    spittin' now will be stopped; your hearts dipped in shredders,
    and by 2032, Souljah Boy's are written better..
    'cause poison's in the letters.. toxic waste leaks into paper,
    and soon, it'll never be original despite the ways you read it later,
    copy/paste is the remainder.. so simply cower by in fear,
    'cause we're forever clockwork lemons, getting sour by the year.

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    damn mate, this is epic! when i tried jus reading it without a beat i got lost in a few places, so i put on a tight mellowish guitar beat with regular drum pattern and rapped it through and dayum that ish flows, it was only when rappin that the skill in the scheme shone through - transactional multis are excellent. the lyrics are strong and left field which i like. first verse flowed best for me but maybe thats coz i one taked it when i rapped it and began to run outta breath haha. All in all almost brilliant imo, started quotin sections then gave up as id end up quoting the whole thing. haha. pce

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Phazed*'s Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    Wow... dope drop. I read it a couple of times to try to find something major to criticize, but to no avail. The imagery was ridiculous in the 2nd verse, that was a vivid picture for the reader (and something I think a lot of us go through)... Your multis were on point as well, nothing really sounded forced at all. It had a natural feeling to it, namean? Everything just sounded like it would if someone were talking, but just so happened to be rhyming. I can dig that for sure.

    Lots of quotables in here as well... actually most of the drop is quotable to be honest. I'd have to say the second verse was my favorite because the content speaks to me as a writer on a whole other level. Great drop man, respect.
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  5. #5
    Town Rapist Ink Poyzin's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    Sorry I wasn't able to peep at this or anything else at the SS
    Just been tied up with the family life shit know what I mean?
    Haven't been able to write either but giving alot of feed outs
    Seems this board isn't as active as it used to be it's a shame

    Anyhow about this piece, man, your writing always amazes me
    Definitely the dopest piece I've came across in a long ass time
    The wording was great giving this piece a smooth read through
    'Now I'll have to be crucified so ya'll can laugh in my face'-dope
    Everything about this piece is dope though alot of emotion in it
    Vocabulary was good, easy to follow and haven't threw me off..
    Your writing skills is expert, man, always been, alot of potential
    I was listening to a beat while reading this- multi's were insane
    Dope metaphors worded nicely- best piece from you yet, I think
    Everything you drop is good so don't take it that the wrong way..
    LOL @ the souljah boy line I was cracking up from that 1 thanks

    Once again, dope drop but it's a shame shits getting slept on alot
    I remember when a piece would drop and 3 feedbacks in 4 minutes
    [YOUTUBE]gbEwHJX95QE[/YOUTUBE]

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    thanks. leave links!

  7. #7
    Verge the Great Masahiko.'s Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    Damn cry, I really like this piece. Your rhyme scheme and multi's were keeping me going throughout the whole thing. This was great, you internals were on point and the next line always seemed cohesive with what was going on. A lot of people are throwing lines together that lack sense and all this was put together really well. Your metaphors were sick dude and one line I really enjoyed was

    "waiting for the wolves to come and feed upon it's carcass.."

    It stood out for me. The Soulja Boy line was pretty dope. But my favorite stanza was the last, It concluded things completely and really made the piece come full circle and make sense. I can tell you put some real effort in the mechanics of this piece and your flow was on point in the entire piece. Some times you used a slanted rhyme that was pretty cool a lot of people don't understand it but to me it's fine really. It's a written and sometimes people get to caught up in reading it out loud, and I look at it in both aspects. Great piece man, If it's not HoF it should be Nom'ed.


    RTF on one of my recent pieces lol.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=409167
    The Legion

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    HoF x5

  8. #8
    The Mob.
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    aight cry I have to admit you are one creative nigga...the name iitself was different clockwork lemons pretty clever, aight you kept it consistant throughout the piece the creativity was on point as usual ya wording was on point as usual I don't know man you just one talented muther fucker you jus keep on with the wittiness I didn't really see any wek points in this piece...defiently HOF matieral..my nigga cry keep it up
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.

  9. #9
    Gully Vallus's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    wow


    i read half and i cant finish atm because of the amount of feed
    needed to post a respectful response to the time invested in this...

    im gettin back on my lyrics..shit motivated me to write

    word man

    lol @ the title btw....i need some kubric damnit

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  10. #10
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    i just read this...twice...gotta run a couple of errands but ill drop feed when i get back.....very fuckin ill though...


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  11. #11
    Xtermnation Xtraordinaire Genocide's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    eyo.. just noticed your response to my banned from tv shyt lol, thanx for the feed

    so i tapped ya link..
    this piece is extraordinary man.. flow was dope and it had mad qoutables, man
    love the title too lmao, clockwork lemons? lol clockwork orange was a sick movie, so this piece held up its end of the bargain for sharing its title -kinda sharing......


    loved this part..
    waiting for the wolves to come and feed upon it's carcass..
    the people reaping all the market, selling to non-adults and critics,
    those guys that read the writing but are all too often dimwits,
    to steal from the pockets they were lit with, it's a hard way to fall,
    because the writing in their pieces came from our grains of salt..




    -Spit

  12. #12
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Clockwork Lemons

    anymore feed on this ish?

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