Trees

[.Prime.]

Some shit I wrote today in the mornin. I aint an addict or anythin it's just the runnin of the mind. Umm could be a little hard to be able to get the flow I usually sing my shit that I write sorry about that.

Yo trees be foggin up my mind
Makin me see shit at night, while I light up my prime
I'm on the line my shits on the line
Smokin so much shit you could start to call me pine
Needles and shit be pokin me while I sleep
Causin me to weep while I dream of girls to eat
I'm tired of this shit, bout to wake up in the night and light up a spliff
Wiff up that shit like its a fuckin essence makes my eyes tingle
like I'm lookin at dem presents, haha
My presence...is of comparison to God
Girls be smellin me sayin they want my bod
And I aint endorsin shit
All I am doin is reinforcin shit
Snortin shit, till my nose be bright
Wakin up in the mornin to a fat hoe to my right
oh damn man, I guess I fucked up but that's ight
Because I got my shit protected locked and tight

[.Prime.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...844/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...285/index.html

[.Prime.]

Uppin for critique

[Real Dope.]

The verse lacked in "Intelligent words" your metaphors were there to back up the simplicity, but there was too much simplicity and there were a line shortage,
Every excellent "OM" writer writes with say 3-4 verses or a whole stanza,
I think the story was there and you stayed on topic verry well you described the story very well aswell, this was by all means not bad atall.
Just work on how many lines you have and work on more "intelligent" words to keep the interest for the reader,
but your flow was onpoint so i can only fault you in word/line catagory.
Nice read - Keep em' elevating!-Official.

[.Prime.]

hmm I guess I'll add on to it.
I'll hit you up once I got a little more on it.

[Splif]

This wasnt good at all no offence..Just take some constuctive critism sounds like a keystyle, and you curse alot which takes away from the content ya kno..Flow's kinda choppy ( I kno your gonna say text has no flow) but thats not always the case..I should be able to create a melody in my mind of the words you say ya kno..Anyway I have to rate this very low like more of a 3/10 but keep it up an dont lose focus homie..

[.Prime.]

No, I agree with you, readin a text rhyme should provide some flow but I dont see how you dont see it unless your readin it like a book. Eh, I do swear but doesn't everyone? Ya I'll try to tone down on that.

[boro boy]

nice drop, i enjoyed it, good metas. return the favore please

[teflon151]

did enjoy it seeing as i as well like my herbs haha! i have 2 critiques. first is that the rhymes could be a little better and also just try to stay with the pace of your song. I noticed you rhymed the first 4 lines, then you did the next three. it just helps when the rhyme scheme either stays the same or changes from like 2 to a 4, but good content.

[The Incredible Hulk]

Yeh it was quite basic,and sounds like it was quickly written,without much thought,and i notice you use the word 'shit' way too often..lol

It sounded like you were just trying to rhyme,my advice would be to take note of other peoples stuff and see how they put their verses together...

flow - 5/10
vocab 5/10
lyrics 5/10

Overall,was way too basic,and too quickly done/written down... Keep up the writing,you will get better with every verse