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Thread: Blood on the Sand

  1. #1
    Just doin my thing .Prime.'s Avatar
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    Blood on the Sand

    This is more like a narrative of the life of a soldier. Inspired by my brother who just came back from Afghanastan. I know I haven't been in war but it's just the perspective of most people who have.

    Blood on the Sand

    Sun beatin on my neck as we hit the deck
    A couple of Afghans wanna blow us away to heck/
    I cry silently, as the explosions go off
    Sand everywhere shits starts makin us cough/
    Guns-a-blazin, everywhere that I go
    Louder than the bass at a mother fuckin rap show/
    They say we doin this for our country
    Doin it for our pride/
    But we all know, whats Dwelling inside/
    A struggle for oil, The concept makes our blood boil
    Got shot in the leg by a friendly fire recoil/
    Innocent people run away from our big gun
    teenage boys watchin cause they thinkin this is fun/
    My friend got shot in the head
    Bleedin and now he's dead/
    The image rattles my brain because of what he said
    before he died. He said he died with pride
    Because if he hadn't died today he would have died inside/
    Bullet grazed my head run away because I fuckin dread
    Yellin to my squad Private Jacobs is dead/
    We runnin back from the threat
    Most of us are caught in a net/
    Fightin for old men, who want to show their superiority
    And we already know that our lives arent their priority/
    We reach a bunker where our teamates are at
    click clack as a bullet tears into my back/
    I close my eyes and I fall to the floor
    seein images of the day that I ran to the door/
    And recieved my registration form thinkin this would be great
    But that was back when I didn't know my squad would be bait/
    I wake up 3 days later in the hospital alive,
    I survived but a bullet tore through my fuckin thigh/
    I cant walk and now im handicapped
    but at least I know now that I'll never get to go back/

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...061/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...495/index.html
    Last edited by .Prime.; August 18th, 2009 at 11:56 PM

  2. #2

    Re: Blood on the Sand

    i felt like some of it was a lil stretched for example:
    click clack as a bullet hits in me in the back. . . .. .
    that lined feels forced . . . . . keep workin
    THIS AINT A MOVIE FELLA. . . . .

  3. #3
    Just doin my thing .Prime.'s Avatar
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    Re: Blood on the Sand

    Hmm yeah I did feel like it was a little forced hows

    " click clack as a bullet tears right into my back"?

  4. #4

    Re: Blood on the Sand

    there u go sometimes simplicty works better than u think
    THIS AINT A MOVIE FELLA. . . . .

  5. #5
    Just doin my thing .Prime.'s Avatar
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    Re: Blood on the Sand

    uppin

  6. #6
    Just doin my thing .Prime.'s Avatar
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    Re: Blood on the Sand

    uppin for reviews

  7. #7
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    Re: Blood on the Sand

    nice effort, i felt it was too simple in terms of your vocab, multis and meaning. decent effort tho....

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  8. #8
    Just doin my thing .Prime.'s Avatar
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    Re: Blood on the Sand

    Yeah, I would agree with that the vocab in this isn't really complex I got to work on that.
    Thanks man

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