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Thread: The Great Collapse

  1. #1
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    The Great Collapse



    I cant blame it on anyone else , because that's just who I am
    Had troubles my whole life , I’m a simple complicated man
    I kept my emotions inside of me , I didn’t like to show it
    So i just had to use my energy .. in writing and being a poet
    The world may not understand me , or why I do the things i do
    I couldn’t trust anyone , and I lost every friend i knew
    I lived self-dependent , had to grow up while I was still a child
    Eagred to live those years , the years I loved and smiled
    I struggled a lot to change and head into the right direction
    But people were always hurt .. from my actions and their reflection
    Some people threw their anger at me , and apologized a while later
    Didn’t care for it being constantly ,had problems that were much greater
    I lived to satisfy the others , even if it led to my Unhappiness
    Been asked a lot from my bothers , and always answered with my unhappy-yes
    Acted like everything was fine , had the impression of a Poker Face
    That Because I had the personality of a suicidal , and a Smoker case
    But i can’t take it anymore , and I am barely struggling to hide it
    I'm about to explode from my internal conflict and ever problem besides it
    Now I’m ready to sacrifice my self , surrender ? Never
    That because I must collapse now permanently and for ever


    Something i wrote , took me about an hour , i know it needs multies
    but just felt like writing it without forcing my self to do anything

    leave link i will RTF


    links : http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...060/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...473/index.html

  2. #2
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    Re: The Great Collapse

    not bad .. not bad

  3. #3
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    Re: The Great Collapse

    upping ,would apprecite some critcis

  4. #4
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    Re: The Great Collapse

    smoker case and the poker line i liked stood out for me ..also the ending bar u came out strong..obv u wana get multis in there let me know if u do id enjoy the read alot more then

    the flow was good throughout for me

    structure was ok

    a good few punches wudnt of gone to a miss

    but overall 3/5 nice drop

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...275/index.html

  5. #5
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    Re: The Great Collapse

    Will do , Upping .

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