16 Bars please comment an tell me ur opinion

[CeeJay]

yall are basic cable, im similar to TiVO
jackass think your betta? u on dat dope like steve-o
your late but im current like El Nino
im straight original these other dudes is sequels

on top of dat im fly like a seagull
i meant eagle. shit i spit be regal
empire is evil, chill wit lethal people
im a big dog, these otha dudes is beagles

overstated.....yall dudes is sum kitty kats
beef i aint havin dat. ride on u like cadillac
lines miss u? dude i can send em back to back
cuz i can rap movies similar to cinemax

so its all groovy, come and see da movie
told my homie L to spark anotha Doobie
if rap wuz football im in dis bitch like Rudy
maybe u can spit. but i be hockin loogies

[-SIN-]

first 16 BARS is 32 lines...u have 8bars lol.......
all around just alil to basic...flow was EH
vocab needs work and all around concepts and all need work...try peepin others pieces and see what u can learn from them.....plus u need two links...

RTF Miserys Company by Syn

[CeeJay]

thanks bruh. im still learnin how to write da correct way. im 15, i thank my shitll git betta with time though. this aint my best work doe.

[-SIN-]

everyone at first ain't great....progression is key...learn from the crits and feedback u get here...cause no matter how much it sounds like hate...all crits are good...shows u what u need to work on and what to have next time u drop a piece....just keep elevatin and u'll get there

[CeeJay]

i appreciate it doe. i take it as constructive criticism.

[-SIN-]

exactly what it is dunny.....i don't hate on anyone...just give advice and hope u learn and pay attention to it

[Dal]

i thought it was basic too. i likeed the wit in the verse though. the sequel line was pretty dope. it sounded like somethin wale would've spit on chillin on somethin. if you were rapping this maybe this would go as a good freestyle over some beat...wasnt horrible it was just basic.

[CeeJay]

thanks bruh. dats usually how i write my shit in like a freestyle typa manner cuz i thank it up an den remember it an write it down.

[Plot]

Its basic, but its good basic.
your late but im current like El Nino
im straight original these other dudes is sequels
Nothing wrong with that bar.
Rest of it was simple, but would prolly work well on a laid back beat

[FortyTilFive]

I thought it was alright. I'm also 15 and just kinda tryin to develope my own style. But i thought you were pretty good and had some decent lines, i think you should work on your vocab. Keep up.

[Sänity]

It wasn't bad. Basic but my first piece was basic too. I'm 15 also and have only been writing for a little while. Hit me up with a PM if you want to collab sometime

[Fatal.]

this was real simple, nothing complex. the flow was alright. you got the basics of lyrics and setting up, just try to throw some more vocab and better rhyme scheme. this was like a freestyle, try making a topic it will help you focus on what to write and then you'll progress into a better writer and eventually be able to take on any topic. keep writing.