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Thread: Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

  1. #1
    .exe Android's Avatar
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    Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

    Self-Assembled Planet
    By Blayde & Krimson



    Step 1: Create Light and darkness

    Darkness can only skulk
    beneath the rays of light.
    The light can only exist,
    because darkness lurks.
    The irony is never-ending
    as the opposites attract,
    fighting for thier survival.
    However; shadows
    stretch thier arms upwards
    and wage war against
    the rays beating down
    upon them mercilessly.

    Step 2: Create Water and sky

    Water is heaven sent,
    even by earth standards.
    The crow is calling
    in the night air -
    To be washed clean by
    water offered by god.
    Earth's people have been
    baptised, by noble men.



    Step 3: Seperate the ground and the oceans (add vegetation)

    The land craves freedom
    from the watery depths,
    which shackle it's dreams
    of living within' the new sky,
    but instead condemned
    to lie in wait within' a grave,
    of watery demise.

    Vegetation, a friendly face
    sharing stories of the surface.
    Raise me so I can also bask
    in the glow of the firey sun
    and be reborn...
    ... a seperate entity.

    Step 4: Attach sun and moon to sky

    When the sun shines,
    the moon hides;
    In the breast of the skyline.
    Shoot me like a rocket,
    embrace me as a friend
    and let me see the wonder
    of all you’re personalities;
    Sun, moon and your sky.


    Step 5: Stir life into oceans (mix well)

    Lazy waves roll,
    across the sleeping sand.
    Echoes - the only sound
    after the earth broke away.
    Now instead of whispers
    the roar of life is carried
    upon the smiling currents.
    No longer alone,
    and to nurture this new life
    is more forfilling anyway.

    Step 6: Sprinkle life upon the land

    They marched onwards,
    passed a thousand suns;
    Viewed distant dawns,
    brother's together through
    truths, needing telling.
    Creating masses of thinkers
    to be judged equally;
    In this narrow equilibrium.


    Finale

    Now just sit back and enjoy,
    your self-assembled planet.
    If you encounter any problems
    please dismantle and start again.



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    Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
    While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
    - Mikill Pane

  2. #2
    .exe Android's Avatar
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    Re: Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

    Last edited by Android; July 26th, 2009 at 02:38 PM



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    Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
    While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
    - Mikill Pane

  3. #3
    .exe Android's Avatar
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    Re: Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

    Up for the night. I'll RTF tomorrow if anyone ever decides to feed lol



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    Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
    While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
    - Mikill Pane

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! HellDriven's Avatar
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    Re: Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

    This was...Different...Its like God's instruction manual...Honestly...I dont really know what to say...Except you made something gigantic sound small in a few words...Im going to be honest and say I wasnt that hooked into this peice, I like poems and songs with deeeep emotions, I did not find much emotion in this peice. But the structure was alright, You stayed on topic in each section, But you missed the war, terrorism, pain, racism, suicide, murder, rage, violence....Thats the main part of this world.
    I give this a 6/10 =\ sorry but I just wasnt that hooked

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  5. #5
    i do this shit forreal Alta's Avatar
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    Re: Self-Assembled Planet - Blayde & Krimson

    This was very creative i loved how you made each passage in steps i like an can feel the emotion great read looking forward to your next piece!

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