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Last edited by Krimson; July 27th, 2009 at 05:57 PM
I personally think this piece was amazing. Its pieces like this that make me think this should be a poetry site and not a rap one, because the standard quality of the poetry is so much higher than that of the open mic peices etc.
I loved this bit
Because i found it to be beautifully written and i could relate to it. The wording seemed spot on and it flowed nicely as did the rest of the poem. (I just chose that bit because i liked it)
Nice piece man. Stay up.
If you can, take a look at my peice "She is still beautiful"
rtf here please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post7152711
this has some good stuff. I'd argue the end should have been put into two stanza, with a bit more in it. The language was good most of the time...a few words or sentences didnt fit.
You had some great imagery and word-play...The daniel thing was dope. I'd say take a second look at the ending and the language.
return favor on someone elses piece. thanks
Thanks. I will return the feed asap.