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Thread: The Red Balloon

  1. #1
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    The Red Balloon

    Rain rain go away
    Come again another day
    All the children want to play
    Rain rain go away


    She stood there, trying her best to fight back tears
    Broken and lonely, no longer knows the meaning of fear
    Staring at a lifeless corpse that once belonged to a child
    She realizes now why it`s been so long since she`s smiled
    Trying to remember what love is - her father`s embrace
    Her mother`s hugs, yet all of those memories were erased
    Sacrificed, the void filled with emptiness in it`s place
    With that to live for, it`s easy to stare death in it`s face
    Watching reality murder every dream she tries to pretend
    Makes this red balloon the closest thing she has to a friend

    Hey Tommy, look what I found! she yelled out the door
    Staring at the room full balloons as she fell to the floor
    What is it? Tommy asked as he ran through the aisles
    Until the excitement in his eyes was met by her smile
    She jumped up and grabbed at one, Here you can have it
    There`s so many!
    staring at them all floating, It`s magic!
    Laughing out loud, she grabbed another one and ran outside
    Then let it go, and stood surprised as it rose to the sky

    She could still hear them all laughing as if then was now
    Closing her eyes as she imagined all of her friends around
    She felt rain drops tickle her cheek as she heard the roar
    Of airplanes flying above, she just watched them soar
    In and out of the clouds, wondering why they were here
    What did we do? answered by bullets flying through air
    She runs home, which now was nothing but a hole in a wall
    But at night when the world`s asleep she goes and she crawls
    Into her bed, whispering her favorite lullabys in a trance
    Kissing good night the red balloon she has tied to her hand

    She stood there, trying her best to fight back tears
    Broken and lonely, knowing that her ending is near
    Staring down into a puddle, she sees a stranger stare back
    Holding her red balloon, she starts to cry, scared that
    The stranger might let it go, Give it back! It`s mine!
    She falls to her knees, the stranger falls at the same time
    She sees the stranger start to cry, looking like she`s alone
    Reaching to wipe her tears away, just to find they`re her own
    She smiles to herself as she realizes her dumb mistake
    The stranger staring back was just reflection of her face
    Alone again, her hope fades, feeling she has nothing left
    Knowing it won`t be long, until her red balloon joins the rest


    A.i

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  2. #2
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    A.i

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  3. #3
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    Sleeper asses.

    A.i

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  4. #4
    Soule
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    Saved for feedback, will hit it up first thing in the morning bro.

  5. #5
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    She jumped up and grabbed at one, Here you can have it
    There`s so many! staring at them all floating, It`s magic!
    Laughing out loud, she grabbed another one and ran outside
    Then let it go, and stood surprised as it rose to the sky

    ^^ deep, haha excellent piece here nahlidge, definitly feeling it... flow was on point and story was sickly deep... why the fuck are ppl sleeping on this? hahaha i kno how it feels... keep it up homay... rtf

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...971/index.html

    ^^there you go.. hope to see a comment.





    this was actually quite dope. I thought about writing to this picture this week actually. not a bad image. your story really fit well with it as well.. the first stanza really set the mood, the second was coo.. third and fourth killed it. that last one was actually my favorite of the four..

    She falls to her knees, the stranger falls at the same time
    She sees the stranger start to cry, looking like she`s alone
    Reaching to wipe her tears away, just to find they`re her own
    She smiles to herself as she realizes her dumb mistake
    The stranger staring back was just reflection of her face
    Alone again, her hope fades, feeling she has nothing left
    Knowing it won`t be long, until her red balloon joins the rest


    ^^ LOVED that shit.. how the stranger is just her reflection.. that's a really dope concept and you really brought it to life with a nice easy-going scheme and some solid wording/images.. nothing like a refreshing read from time to time and I've gotta tell ya, this is one of your better pieces in my opinion. nice topical here.. keep 'em coming, especially if they're like this one.


    - Nash

  7. #7
    is Power Nahlidge's Avatar
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    I was drunk last night and didn`t wanna leave drunk feedback lol. I`ll peep your piece when I get outta work.

    A.i

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  8. #8
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    this was nice...... I like the whole thing... and the image added a whole lot of imagery even tho it was not needed> there was just so much description in ur OM.... the rhyme-cheme was good.... it flowed nice...

    rying to remember what love is - her father`s embrace
    Her mother`s hugs, yet all of those memories were erased
    Sacrificed, the void filled with emptiness in it`s place
    With that to live for, it`s easy to stare death in it`s face
    Watching reality murder every dream she tries to pretend
    Makes this red balloon the closest thing she has to a friend

    I like that part alot....

    if you got some time
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...125/index.html

  9. #9
    Newbie MAFIOZO's Avatar
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    this was a nice piece. big ups. I like how it was deep, poetic, and that it detailed emotion, and at the same time the lyrics coupled the story in value. this was a dope piece. I didn't realize it was drawn from that picture till i seen it thats wuss up. Hope to see some more of your work around here.

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mickey spotz's Avatar
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    Re: The Red Balloon

    i dont even have to speak on this. everyone above me combined gave the feedback i would have. and this reply is not for a link either. big props on this. the imagery was just vicious. and the simple vocabulary showcased how much of a writer you are. i feel like simple vocab drops are the best, depending on how you write them. excellence homie...excellence

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...140/index.html

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...067/index.html
    Last edited by mickey spotz; July 22nd, 2009 at 09:56 PM

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