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Thread: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

  1. #1
    Soule
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    The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    First Verse - Truth
    Second Verse - Soule'
    Third and Fourth Verse - Stock




    The rally cry flies about the field
    in some synchronized form.
    The land war torn,
    ripped to shred by our vengeful fangs.
    The venom depleting life from the soul.
    Holy evacuation,
    an emancipator march
    takes place on the tattered streets.
    The nation heart slows
    as tension rocks it weak spots
    emotions defenseless,
    The bombs raining down.
    A death shower.
    The rally cry, nullified.
    Oh how they barely fear us.
    The strength once knew
    seems torn asunder
    our paraplegic country lies limp, lifeless
    surrounded by the dust of carnage
    The mourning voice fill the hours of twilight
    Our intentions hung
    by the boulders that trampled us
    But in the midst of the storm
    Brimstone held no candle
    To our elite
    Fighting back, taking every inch
    The poor bastards would give
    The unconquerable spirit
    the admirable resilience
    The stubbornness, the bravery
    The potion legends are made of
    It all was unleashed
    Shining high over the whirlwind clouds
    Saviors
    Rescuing us from this musty prison
    We Americans were saved
    by hell bent freedom fighters


    A Story for you...

    This morning felt abnormal,
    I dressed formal than went through glass.
    Picked window from my ass & left a trail,
    which led to jail, what a damn coincidence!
    "Hey America! I have a dream, who's listenin'?"
    I look around and feel sick to my stomach,
    so I'll jump into a group of business men.
    On this bus ride to wherever it may end,
    I get off at a friend's, where he lays dead.
    They said it was self-defense,
    they even have a witness standing there.
    But he's scared, you can see that sparkle
    that burns a dark hole within his lying eyes.
    Later, doctors found cyanide in his system,
    guess that's the fault in America's system.
    My journey continues towards the Cafe,
    usually - my bad day's fixed with a latte.
    "Sir, would you like your coffee black?"
    No, in fact I just so happen to like it gray!
    I can't even look in the face of a mirror,
    without seeing a clear example of rejection.
    Yes, I'm referring to my reflection, it's true.
    That the American truth is hidden in stock.


    Send them back he said,
    because there isn’t no black in the
    American Flag;
    Pinching our jobs and taking our homes,
    they’re the problem this countries
    fatalistic crimes have risen.
    I rolled my eyes at the ignorance,
    but felt the salt of an immigrants tear,
    for I saw his politics;
    from the chair he’d shaped for years.

    How impertinent he be,
    with his land of hope and optimism’.
    The stripes expressed by his consulted face,
    knowing all along he recites in haste –
    A talk by political minds in hate;
    Our very own fascistic race.
    I gave a smile,
    for he didn’t know,
    just how small the world had become.
    Now young people have realized,
    we all share the same sun.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    Not a single bit of fuckin' feed?

  4. #4
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Re: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    Alright Guys - - - -


    Truth - Just for a bit o negative ...the thing I would say about yours is just occasionaly I think you could of re-worded some things just on the basis of cleanin it up...but its really subjective, and not to big a deal...okay on to the good stuff.. Your use of vocab was good and fitting of the piece and the proper tone of the concept....Altho your voice brought on some really dope and strong imagery, which greatly carried your verse along... You had enticing imagery in nearly every line of your verse and it really raised the level for the other guys to follow....


    Quote Originally Posted by truth
    But in the midst of the storm
    Brimstone held no candle
    ^^I just really liked that line there...



    Soule - Although I got a bit of a "topical" feel from the wording of this... It still told a good story, and really changed the "air" of the piece compared to the synopsis provided by Truth... What made your verse add to the overall completeness of this piece was your focus on metaphores... like i said you took a less formal track to your verse, but managed to intwine really great metaphores and fluency... The rhyming sounded good..and it got better as you went on..but like i said your strong suite was def the metaphores...

    Quote Originally Posted by Soule
    that burns a dark hole within his lying eyes.
    Later, doctors found cyanide in his system,
    guess that's the fault in America's system.
    ^^I liked the deeper meaning in this....good stuff.



    Stock - Your concepts within a concept always astonish me, really man...your thoughts come out so greatly.. I thought the first stanza started dope...it brought a sense of depth and emotion to this piece...the language was great throughout both verses...it read fluent and you managed to make it poetic and deep..but add a nice rhyme-scheme occasionally aswell..

    Quote Originally Posted by Stock
    Send them back he said,
    because there isn’t no black in the
    American Flag;
    ^^That started your verse off with so much emotion/meaning...DOPE.



    Overall - I think the verses where a bit spaced as one...but when you look at how yall wrote each verse to fit...i thought you guys hit everything on the head.... Truth added imagery, soule added metaphores, and stock added emotion. There was something for everyone to enjoy....


    Good stuff guys...
    Last edited by Spekz.; June 26th, 2009 at 09:26 PM
    Succeed Without Fear



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  5. #5
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    thanks Spekz

    AI

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  6. #6
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    Appreciate it man.

  7. #7
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    Re: The American Truth - Truth, Stock & Soule'

    Any more feedback for us brothers?

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