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Thread: She's so Music

  1. #1
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    She's so Music

    I call myself a veteran, for instance let me deamonstrate
    How evil faith can be replaced by super stars we see in space
    When my genius wakes – tell it you think that what you see is fake
    ‘cause I embellish need with hate, while rappers sell the “cream and cake”
    I fiend to make a feeble state of mind this blind to trees and lakes
    Look deep between the steaming slate n realize what she sees, she takes
    She needs a break, and beat that quakes to ever really be this great
    But dreams are waste, once upon a time I still believed in fate
    but I know the games the same, and I know she's testin' me.
    I'm not seein' every play - while she's expectin' me to referee.
    It's embedded in my destiny to live a life of stress, succeed.
    Then when I go to rest in peace I can finally breathe a breath that screams,
    I only did whats best for these feelings I've got left to bleed;
    I died inside for real that day I realized you were dead to me,
    now all I've got are memories of nights I spent with flesh and she's;
    the only thing that sets me free from nightmares I once dreamt as dreams.

    The epitome, of how to get rid of me is now within her reach
    Without chemistry, I cower in misery; please don’t do this.
    While skepticals sever holds with women from the centerfold
    My breath is cold – timid, and I let her go; she’s so music.


    within four days, your entire attires used as foreplay
    for a girl who's gourmet in a world you'd sure trade,
    stock was plenty now ya closets empty and force fades;
    the doll confesses her love n dresses you up like you’re made,
    and go figure, now you're the one who feels like gore may,
    be the solution to pollution in and out of your brain.
    So you naturally forgave, not long after the storm came
    It rapidly poured rain like a song the floor played.
    It’s like the fluid of cupid shootin’ arrows at the humans
    On the blueprint it’s not stupid, it actually has uses
    But in reality it’s a nuisance, factually it’s useless
    The fact is we, attack these things just to add to bruises
    Attitudes shift, were up then down then back – too quick
    That dude spits? So what you deepthroat, swallow, and gag too bitch.
    I rap ruthless, lookin’ forward to after school like bad students
    ‘cause I can get mad abusive when I’m in love; that’s music
    Last edited by Steven William; June 7th, 2009 at 11:35 PM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  2. #2
    Banned
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    Re: She's so Music

    I thought this was excellent bro, a really solid piece of writing and one of the better OM pieces I've seen in months.
    Right from the start I dug your tight and natural flow, everything worked well.
    I thought your imagery was really well done and your wording and expression, well it seemed effortless. I liked the concept and the title of the piece made me want to read it. Really nice work man, gonna nom this piece.

    Could you hit me new PS piece, Love Poem
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...04#post7082004

  3. #3
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Last edited by Steven William; June 9th, 2009 at 01:41 AM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  4. #4
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    lmao best piece in here right now, no feed. sweeet.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! l^l Osiris l^l's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    this shit was hot...haha.. so far the hottest thing i've read.. with ill imagry.. multi's and wordplay... now this is a good display of elevation as a lyricist.. loved it.. i feel u on music being your she...haha. she's mine too so i guess she's cheatin..ahha ...dueces

  6. #6
    Banned +h3_B|@ck_+enchu's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    honestly, this entire piece is a quote....stayed on topic....descriptions were great, content good, vocab on point......compels the reader to continue....

    I call myself a veteran, for instance let me deamonstrate
    How evil faith can be replaced by super stars we see in space
    When my genius wakes – tell it you think that what you see is fake
    ‘cause I embellish need with hate, while rappers sell the “cream and cake”
    I fiend to make a feeble state of mind this blind to trees and lakes
    Look deep between the steaming slate n realize what she sees, she takes


    great intro.....solid.....

  7. #7

    Re: She's so Music

    this was a really good post and it seemed that the whole thing was a giant metaphor which was really cool, only it seemed to me that you made this chick who is music out to be a cruel bitch and then you made yourself out to be a lyrical slaughter artist which was cool but odd.... the vocab was good one missspelt word in the first line which i am not hating you for cause it happens to everyone just thought i'd let you know
    I call myself a veteran, for instance let me deamonstrate i think you ment demonstrate.....
    umm what else can i hit on in this the flow was good and i liked the chorus too, the figurative language was good and you really followed the topic closely.

    rtf,
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-400357.html
    As i listen to these demons and lookin for a reason for my continuous breathin and a purpose of my xistence

  8. #8
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    ^That's not a misspelling; I wrote it that way so I would pronounce it that way as well when reading it.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  9. #9
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    the flow was amsterly done breaks and pauses speak forthemselves without you indicating where you wanted them....colorful wordplay ands poetic concept yet edgy enough to still be hip hop in fact this embodies hip hop more to me then most hip hop artists are capable of but very oddly i know i will get shit for that comment
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  10. #10
    Guided by Destiny Dreamer22's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    Elevate.

  11. #11

    Re: She's so Music

    good stuff

  12. #12
    ACE A.K.A. HOSS-STYLE Ace_of_Fenix's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    Damn I jus joined this hate to sound like a rookie but if thats equal to everybody else on here then i definately have to step it up u got the upmost from me i like the concept, message, word play, and how it all blended from start to finish

  13. #13
    77777 The Seven's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    this is nice... my fave line is this one
    It rapidly poured rain like a song the floor played.
    because its not just wordplay its a clear visual with sound
    your wordplay is nice and gives this an interesting flow
    nice as this is .. i can see ways it could be better
    its pretty busy..alot of content in a small area
    id like to see it more open with more visuals
    its an interesting topic, worth slowing down
    and exploring more in depth...
    this was almost like a synopsis to me
    an outline for a plot, when it could be a whole story
    nice work
    you rap like ibeastout votes

  14. #14
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    Thanks for the feed comrade... I liked your take on the topic. Your rhyme scheme is really nice here and im sure you know. That great seeing as thats were i may lack with them multis... Vocab was on point and i really think the opening won me over here dude.

    the doll confesses her love n dresses you up like you’re made,
    and go figure, now you're the one who feels like gore may,
    be the solution to pollution in and out of your brain.
    So you naturally forgave, not long after the storm came
    These lines were really creative... There are more quotables but time i'm lacking. Thanks for an overall dope read. Kept me entertained and interrested.
    Last edited by Soul Slayer; June 13th, 2009 at 12:05 PM

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    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


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  15. #15
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Re: She's so Music

    Dope, you put a good piece together here man. Your rhyme scheme in particular was great on this, the flow was on point through the whole thing. The take on the topic was strong and well expressed with great vocab and use of imagery to back it up. At the right length and easy to read. Good job.

    Keep posting.

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