Love Poem

[Alphaeus]

Love Poem
by Stock


How can I begin to understand the depths of you?
Your words that imbue shock and awe,
how do we reach together new horizons
when I'm raw, each time you glide serenely,
into the room,


These glass nerves that shatter every day
we spend together;
tethered to the walls,
replaced and patched so you cannot see
this pain of imprisonment;
the pure love hard to express,
cradled in my soul.


I am a man possessed by military demons -
Yet, love, if I could supply the rose, it would
be there every day fresh upon your pillow;
turning tears to smiles despite the confines
of this home.


And if in stating this the guns shoot this brute
chiselled blunt by times of war;
the shedding shell of bones and skin,-
my apparel of a man once dead,
would free this soul;
would bless you with all sustenance
of this love; entrenched - afraid and fragile.


I love you!


Three simple words I have never spoke
before,
just talk,
till you that is; now it's here,
here for you to feel its warmth,


The love of you;
the mirror of a new bold light,
found deeply in your eyes,
is there for you and I to reach
with all our might the Gods inspire;
to reach freedom in the skies.

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ys-399970.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ly-399939.html

[Alphaeus]

Any feed? and please leave your links.

[Spekz.]

Stock - I am a fan of your poetry. and think you are the best new poet on this site hands down. I have noticed you ahve been using this new style..and I like it. It fits you and really gives you an identity. In a lot of ways I find your writing to be a lot like mine...you use words very profoundly - executing their meaning perfectly. You do not need to use over-barring language to express a beautiful picture...your imagery is spot on. wording and mechanics are nice - and you use metaphores appropriately and timely. As far as this piece - I thought it was very original in its concept and the middle two stanza's were FIRE! .. very well written and worth the read


good shit stock

[Alphaeus]

Thanks Spekz, I've been trying to elevate my writing for a while now and my style has been going through a few changes but I'm happy with my write at the moment.
Thanks for the kind words and please leave a link so I can RTF bro.

[Alphaeus]

Any more feed?

[obseqious]

mets where good, body was good i thought the structure could have ben better, maybe clean it a little ore or use a different word play to shiorten or lengthen whille strill conveying the key point other then that awesonmr read and i agree with speks on most of it.

[Jamhuri]

When I enjoy a poem, it gets hard to give those analytical comments poets give in RB. Thats maybe coz i cant find anything that could have been done differently.
this was a good poem man. I like how the life you've lived troments as much as the need to express the love you feel.
Emotion was.

[Lauren.]

This is the first of your poems that I've read and it's awesome. Your use of emotion is so precise and effective, as is your use of imagery.

These glass nerves that shatter every day
we spend together;
tethered to the walls,
replaced and patched so you cannot see
this pain of imprisonment;
the pure love hard to express,
cradled in my soul.

^^^That was my favorite stanza, I love the use of metaphor throughout. Good piece, I look forward to seeing more