Pen and a Pad

[+h3_B|@ck_+enchu]

“Pen and a Pad”

I’ll tell da truth, all my rhymes are jot down, cuz I don’t freestyle
But meanwhile, they flex and cover up and call em “keystlyes”
Just me though, if you a real rapper then hear me out
Clear the route cuz real’s in yo lane, and you can’t steer me out
It’s a bout, dodging the gimmicks and bombin the critics lyrics sneak through the dark like you playin the Chronics of Riddick
Im on a mission to, let you view who’s rhymes are da illest and if it works then you’ll be pointing at me, but im just blabbin on
Snappin like a slim jim just getting my randy savage on
Niggas who aint feelin dis shit is getting they average on
I been getting down since snake was a game on ya camera phone
Primitive beast out of his cage, chewin on mammal bones
Flowin uncontrollably spittin dudes out they habitat
Charles Darwin shit, teach evolution and bring em back
Attitude been common to dogs, im like “you see dem cats?”
Lame, niggas still in da club, doing the cabbage patch

(………Slams the mic down, and walks away………)



2 links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-399476.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-399407.html

[Issue]

“Pen and a Pad”

I’ll tell da truth, all my rhymes are jot down, cuz I don’t freestyle
But meanwhile, they flex and cover up and call em “keystlyes”
Just me though, if you a real rapper then hear me out
Clear the route cuz real’s in yo lane, and you can’t steer me out
It’s a bout, dodging the gimmicks and bombin the critics lyrics sneak through the dark like you playin the Chronics of Riddick
Im on a mission to, let you view who’s rhymes are da illest and if it works then you’ll be pointing at me, but im just blabbin on
Snappin like a slim jim just getting my randy savage on
Niggas who aint feelin dis shit is getting they average on
I been getting down since snake was a game on ya camera phone
Primitive beast out of his cage, chewin on mammal bones
Flowin uncontrollably spittin dudes out they habitat
Charles Darwin shit, teach evolution and bring em back
Attitude been common to dogs, im like “you see dem cats?”
Lame, niggas still in da club, doing the cabbage patch

(………Slams the mic down, and walks away………)



2 links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-399476.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-399407.html

This wasn't bad, man. It wasn't great, it was too short I felt, but I was feeling a few lines in there. Particuarly the Randy Savage line, & the snake one was quite good.


I don't know shit about Punchlines or whatever, but I do know topicals, so if you do drop one and one some critique, let me know dude. I don't hate this piece other than the concept, so if you dropped something I could read proper I'd appreciate reading it dude.

[Cody Nash]

it wasn't really punchlines like this dude's saying.. you're just on a rant/self props type thing here. the flow is the main thing to be exhibited here and you definitely show signs of it. the concept is weak, but it's pretty much just a flex so I can't really say it's THAT weak because to me the only reason a flex is weak is because they're unoriginal.. they BEEN done, but everyone's entitled to do them and hell, even I've flexed a few times lol. it's mostly fun and exercises your ability to flow and make rhymes in a quick and easy format.. you have mechanics pretty much down, but I'd be way more interested to see you take a bigger route and actually plan some writing out.. take a direction.. tell us what you think about something BIGGER, religious or political who gives a fuck.. hell, even maybe tell us a story.. but make sure your flow stays as good as this, AND try and manage to make sense while you're writing like you did here..

like I said, for what it is, it's decent.. but mostly just shows us that you can flow..


stay up, keep writing. I'll be watchin' lil homie..


- Cry

[+h3_B|@ck_+enchu]

preciate it......1 uppin

[DELETE MY ACCOUNT]

hahahaha....(Verse2 fanz da mic a few times)

I been getting down since snake was a game on ya camera phone
Primitive beast out of his cage, chewin on mammal bones
Flowin uncontrollably spittin dudes out they habitat
Charles Darwin shit, teach evolution and bring em back
Attitude been common to dogs, im like “you see dem cats?”
Lame, niggas still in da club, doing the cabbage patch
(those were my linez)

damn...niggaz is out post~n me...F~dat...u got me on my shit...dis is post war...lol


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=395546

[Kazper™]

Not bad... could be better but could be alot worse. I personally like your attack on the flow, it's very forth comeing. Wordplay, could use some work.. seems like your useing the same concept but flippin' it a bit. Rhyme scheme was nice but nothing to complex... except maybe the one bar you streched out to make one line, could use help on the structer of that a little bit. Otherwise man keep droppin' and workin' with wordplay, try on some new styles. I like it

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nk-399845.html