Mutant

[RazorCyndrome]

alright so I havn't written anything in a quite a while, let alone visited the site in a couple months. I'm hoping to get back into it and start writing more. I'll probably be droppin by the cypher section to keep my mind going. This is a little piece I started on a while ago and finally finished. It's pretty short but I felt it was finished and worth posting up. lemme know what you think


Creepin through the forest with swiftness like a lions claw
seekin out the fortress where this clique is hidin out
we're not reppin guns, we use our bodies as a weapon son
with mutated genes, best believe we'll be gettin some
the setting sun is a sign that attack is eminent
leavin scenes with holes in the backs of residents
reddish tints adorn the surrounding oak trees
hesitant, but sworn to hunt down my enemies
evidence torched with a match igniting these,
peasants, scorched in a blaze of light and heat
At night these streets are the devil's playground
Been fightin these freaks for several days now.
with savage actions we'll ravage your faction
average men can't even imagine our passion
or fathom disasterous events in the blackness
havin your back split will leave you in traction


Feedback:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-399355.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-399234.html

[RazorCyndrome]

Feeds please!

[LoSt SaNitY]

jawn pretty nice multi's up^

[RazorCyndrome]

that's all i get? looking for a few more feeds

[DELETE MY ACCOUNT]

dat wasn't bad my dude...keep it up...

[Issue]

jawn pretty nice multi's up^

dat wasn't bad my dude...keep it up...

The feed here has been attrocious, lol.

alright so I havn't written anything in a quite a while, let alone visited the site in a couple months. I'm hoping to get back into it and start writing more. I'll probably be droppin by the cypher section to keep my mind going. This is a little piece I started on a while ago and finally finished. It's pretty short but I felt it was finished and worth posting up. lemme know what you think


Creepin through the forest with swiftness like a lions claw
seekin out the fortress where this clique is hidin out
we're not reppin guns, we use our bodies as a weapon son
with mutated genes, best believe we'll be gettin some
the setting sun is a sign that attack is eminent
leavin scenes with holes in the backs of residents
reddish tints adorn the surrounding oak trees
hesitant, but sworn to hunt down my enemies
evidence torched with a match igniting these,
peasants, scorched in a blaze of light and heat
At night these streets are the devil's playground
Been fightin these freaks for several days now.
with savage actions we'll ravage your faction
average men can't even imagine our passion
or fathom disasterous events in the blackness
havin your back split will leave you in traction


Feedback:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-399355.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ge-399234.html

For starters man, it's good to see you have come back the RB to write. It's good that you actually want to improve and elevate and keep at it. Wether it's topical; battling, cypher, whatever - It's good that you are keeping your wind working.


Well done on this piece, above all I liked the imagery and a metaphorical stance you took. I liked the opening line comparing you being swift and quiet like a lion, and it stood out to me as the opus of the entire piece. You did fall into the habit of played vocabulary, and played out concepts, such as the closer, but at times you stood up well. Generally inclusive of the Devils Playground bar, & the the part about oak trees.

The entire structure was sound and look nice and neat, it doesn't seem like much, but for people like me it makes me think you've actually tried to make it look like a poem and thus, made it seem interesting for me the reader. You had some decent multi's, and some imagery toward the middle, but I think the defining point was the structure. Although, it did lack in length. It's 16 lines, 8 bars, just because it's the rules doesn't mean you cant succeed the length. The last line was a fools ending for me, like you knew it was false and just wanted to end it, you could have definitely concluded it a better way if you stretched it out to 20, or 24, lines.


Overall, this was an interesting piece and I liked it because it reminded me of the way I write with the single line length, & certain metaphors, & I like that when I read something here. Familiarity helps me graps a poem, and this was what stood out aswell as the structure.

Good work, man.


Return the favour on,
Anna Maria or, Shallow Water.

Thank you

[Well Versed]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA mutant huh?...well dude they call me LEONARDO ya digg that?!...kewl shyt homie...rele liked tha conceptz...this was just too short...tha flow was kewl...ur wordin is similiar too how i like to write shyt...ur message came out pretty good mayn...pplz will read this cuz its hella short...seems like a bit of a freestlye...if u wanna colab we can kill this shyt bruh...anyway...good flow...good conceptz...ok vocab...ok metaphorz...n good wordin...FUN READ BRUH!!!

yo RTF on my dropz...n get at me homie!!!