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Thread: I Won't...I'm Out

  1. #1
    Since 1990 Woganeen's Avatar
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    I Won't...I'm Out

    I won't sooth your pain
    I won't ease your strain
    You'll be waiting in vain
    I got nothing for you to gain


    As the hook suggests, i won't sooth your pain
    It's just one step forward, two back again
    It's time to make a stand, tell you how it really is
    I used to give a shit, but now you're just a bitch
    You only talk to me when you're a total mess
    Expecting me to cheer you up and take away all the stress
    So i do, then it's as if you forget, well what did i expect
    Fuck it, all you are is a fucking pain in the neck
    I can barely handle my own problems, fuck you
    Putting more weight on my shoulders when you give me yours too
    I'm not super-man, i'm not your personal hero
    Not you're guardian angel...so don't expect me to be yo
    I'm not a councellor, don't talk to me about your problems
    For fuck sake, you're not the only person who's got them!
    I don't care if you're boyfriend treats you like shit
    Just leave him, are you really that stupid bitch?

    I won't sooth your pain
    I won't ease your strain
    You'll be waiting in vain
    I got nothing for you to gain


    Point is, i like you...I will be the one to protect you
    Won't be like the others, i won't ever neglect you
    But you see straight through me like i'm made of glass
    Then you can't see past me when you're back on your ass
    It's like i'm only noticed when things are bad for you
    It's hard to tell....is it me or you who's getting used and abused?
    I can't take it much longer...i'm frozen waiting for the chance
    For you to realise i'm the one who should be holding your hand
    I don't see it happening, so have a good future, all of the best
    I gotta keep moving, before the muscles cramp in my chest
    I'm on my way to forget you, leaving you in the past
    Lighting up my life, and leaving you in the dark
    I've turned my back on you, i thought it'd be hard
    To be honest with you though, it's like a stroll in the park
    They say you never know what you got until it's gone
    You'll understand the saying, after this song

    I won't sooth your pain
    I won't ease your strain
    You'll be waiting in vain
    I got nothing for you to gain


    had to get it off my chest...peace

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    Overall Net Record= 28-13

    W-O-G

  2. #2
    Since 1990 Woganeen's Avatar
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    Overall Net Record= 28-13

    W-O-G

  3. #3
    I am in all things Well Versed's Avatar
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    Re: I Won't...I'm Out

    dam dude not bad...im diggin tha flow...ur vocab...mayn u hit major points...i felt ur pain...u rele got that point across...keep that shyt uP!!!

  4. #4
    Since 1990 Woganeen's Avatar
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    Re: I Won't...I'm Out

    cheers man

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    Overall Net Record= 28-13

    W-O-G

  5. #5
    I am in all things Well Versed's Avatar
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    Re: I Won't...I'm Out

    go feed me homie my flowz will freeze ya soul!!!

  6. #6
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Re: I Won't...I'm Out

    This was ok...

    Real solid emotion...good venting...honest...
    Honestly in your work is always tight.

    Decent rhyming, though your scheme seems to be a little here and there...
    Not exactly off...well, a little bit, just not as polished as it could be.
    I stumbled on your flow a couple of times...
    Nothing too major though.

    I mean...the only things you really lacked past, as I said before, a real smooth rhyme scheme...

    1) Vocab...all your words are relatively simple, so are your rhymes...
    Everything is word for word. Get a bit creative and mix your rhymes up, use multi's, internals...two words to rhyme with one...

    I mean, instead of "fight, sight", "know, grow"
    Try shit like, "situation, fist you makin"..."hypocrasy, flip off a G"...

    Just examples...

    2) Details...
    I know this was venting, but there's not a single bit of description about your girl...she could be ugly as a chimp, fat as a walrus...bald, no teeth, ugly smile...

    See what I mean?
    Let the reader know something about her past your venting.
    We need a visual...words need to paint a picture and if it's a picture of your frsutration and love with a woman we need to know what the bitch looks like a little.

    Again, just a thought.

    Take care...real good effort and product, just touch your details and words usage up and you'll really get tight with this.

    Peace

  7. #7
    wanna test your luck? christopher dre's Avatar
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    Re: I Won't...I'm Out

    this was a real good vent peice man...the hook went as a perfect transition into ya verses and went with the song, major props for that. you really painted the picture of you screamin at some chick. keep it comin man i'll be glad to feed on the next one.
    ...Dre was then blessed with the mutant talents of anti-empathy, basically the ability to not give a crap....

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