Kissing Disease

[R. Frost]

This was a piece i wrote for IE in the first week but it got closed due to my opponent not showing and i would like some feed, i tried to intertwine two topics, "Kissing Disease" and "It was all a sham!"





Kissing Disease
Written By: Fuck Yuu

Cigarettes, weed
chap stick, lip gloss
soda cans and bottles
crack stems and lollypops

Pink lips separated
soft and pouty;
bottom one slightly
bigger than the top

Your beautiful, in every way
from your hair to that
nice little bottom of yours
how could I find a better one

YOUR DUMB BITCH!
I HATE YOU.
DIE SLUT,
DIE!!!

Cum on your lips
and cock on your breath;
You kiss me daily
without any regrets

You’re a whore
and I want to smash your face.
sucking off the guy next door
and coming to see me after

Slit your throat with a dull
Serrated knife, and watch
The jagged wound spill
Blood out until your dead

This whole time I thought
you loved me but you didn’t
creeping around down the hall
with the neighbor paul

The past two weeks I’ve
had this sore on my lip
it’s from you bitch
kissing the disease

This whole time
I thought we were fine
but its my fault, I’m to blame
And this whole time, It was all a sham!

[R. Frost]

Another Life
Benjamins

[Jon]

Lol well this went in a different direction... Kind of an unexpected turn, and you made it seem real dark at the end. But, at the beginning it was cool, didn't start off amazing or finish amazing but overall it was a pretty decent read. I think you get cool points for doing something crazy like writing this... Lol I don't know if you did it intentionally or not? But yeah, hit up my IE battle if you could brotherman.

[R. Frost]

I dont know man. I'm still kinda stuck with writers block. I didn't have a direction when i started writing it. But i like writing dark. Used to write all happy good feeling shit.

[Nik Caese]

Uh... that wasn't that great of that read really to me... it just wasn't that great of something captivating. Me ... Personally. It gotta be fucking really good to get a GOOD review from me. I'mma tell you. This wasn't good. real shyt. writers block is exactly what would come to mine for such a poor display. It shows actually too. Yes Sir

Caese

[Jawn Raw]

i like this, nice flow and some strong emotions in this. seems like you're really pissed off and your venting your struggles. i liked where the storyline went and you had some good imagery too. i kind of found this funny though really too the point. the word choice was pretty strong and the structure was clean. nothing really negative to say about this man nice drop.

rtf here
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...em-396269.html

[Soul Slayer]

This was a comical piece to me buddy. The whole herpes thing with the sore on the lip an kissing disease line gave me a sick image. I must say this was different from all the trapped pieces that i usually see on RB. Well big up this was original and entertaining at the same time. The story pregressed right to the very end. Nice one

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...et-396582.html

Tific

[R. Frost]

Thankd for the feed everyone. Leave links and ill hit them up.

sci and para i'l get to yous right now

[Alphaeus]

So I agree with what Para said, your piece had a nice flow and was easy to read with the way it was presented. You had some good ideas and the piece was comical and humorous at times, I enjoyed those parts.
Some of the words in the piece I felt were not needed, but they didn’t really ruin or take anything away from the piece, keep it up.