I Think I Love Her

[Kapital J]

I love you so much that I took my dictionary.
Erased the definition of love And replaced it with
I love you
You love me
I want you
You want me
So I honestly believe
That God obviously wanted us to be
More than just friends
We were meant to be lovers
Curse anybody who says
That we're not meant for each other
Let them haters keep hatin
As they patiently waitin
For the day that we break
But they must be greatly mistaken
And I dont care if your parents cant stand me
Cuz I plan to
Marry you
Carry you home
And start a beautiful family
And there we'd live together forever
And love one another
We'd have a son and a daughter
I'd be the father.
You'd be the mother
Our love would never fade away
Or at least not in my book
But I know that you feel the same
Everytime that I look
Into your eyes
That shine like diamonds
And everytime that you smile
I cant help but smile
Meanwhile
Its drivin the inside of my mind wild
I KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

[VodkaRev<3]

okay.. this was kinda cute.. id say it was more poetic.. if you fix up your structure like put it in bars instead of paragraphs it would be alot easier to read, and also would look better. maybe you could use some better vocab to really bring it to life and show more description.. it could have been longer.. like you could of went into detail about why you love her so much kinda thing. the emotion was there but i feel like you coulda brought it out a little more, this would come with the use of different vocab instead of everyday words and bringing out the descriptions.. if u see what im sayinggg..

it was aight though. i liked the idea

[country]

id say get off the paragraph writing

i wont even read if its like this

[GuiLty SmurF]

Another one catching feelings...lol.
You'll feel like an idiot when the whore cheats on you.
This shit is corny, you corny for this.














Cornball.

[country]

^^^^lmmfao

[Issue]

I love you so much that I took my dictionary. Erased the definition of love And replaced it with Sami. I love you. You love me. I want you. You want me. So I honestly believe that God obviously wanted us to be. More than just friends. We were meant to be lovers. Curse anybody who says that we're not meant for each other. Let them haters keep hatin as they patiently waitin for the day that we break but they must be greatly mistaken. And I dont care if your parents cant stand me cuz Sami I plan to marry you, carry you home, And start a beautiful family. And there we'd live together forever and love one another. We'd have a son and a daughter. I'd be the father. You'd be the mother. Our love would never fade away or at least not in my book. But I know that you feel the same everytime that I look into your eyes that shine like diamonds and everytime that you smile I smile meanwhile its drivin the inside of my mind wild. I KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

Hardly groundbreaking sonnets right here, but you got over what you wanted to say. The most over-riding fact here for me, above the whole one paragraph structure rhyme-scheme, was the actual need for you to post it here? I mean, it's emotional to you and you only. Well, you and your other half. We can see that you love this girl, but, to me anyway, it's something between both you and her and nobody else. It doesn't stand up enough to inspire love for somebody else. It doesn't express enough the whole thing to make me want to read more from you. The repetitiveness is sickly, not that that's a bad thing just far too corny and gushy, and I think it's more poetic than anything. You didn't go too far overboard with the statements you made, but the ones you did weren't neccassarily bad nor all that good. It was like you managed to say the most tame things you could, and then wrote it down. I'm not feeling your emotion solely because it's emotional to you and you only as this subject is yours, which brings me back to wondering why you posted it here? I can understand that you'd want people to see it, but I just think perhaps it was something you could have kept to yourself for a while until you could improve on it. You wouldn't care about a love poem for my wife, so you shouln't expect anybody else to. If you want them to care, you'd need to come out at least with a better structure, a better use of interesting language and perhaps a bit more underlying emotion.


Like I say, it isn't groundbreaking but I guess you were happy saying what you said the way that you said it, and I respect that, but as a reader (and somebody looking to critique this,) I think it could have used work before posting. Maybe if you resind it and go back and edit a few things and post again with links, you could gain a decent response to this.

[aCE SPARk]

After a quick glance at the structure I almost didn't read but I'll be honest this was pretty weak okay your love may be strong... your lyrics ain't.

Some lines did surprise me though with better flow and I can imagine how it'd sound on a track -

Let them haters keep hatin
As they patiently waitin
For the day that we break
But they must be greatly mistaken
And I dont care if your parents cant stand me
Cuz Sami I plan to
Marry you
Carry you home
And start a beautiful family

That shows you can get better it displays your potential to me man I mean when I started I probably did a lot worse than this but keep doing it yo.

And return the favour by feeding: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...t-391457.html?