the journey from hell.

[Orc]

Journey from hell.


'Welcome aboard, this is the warden speaking,
please put on seatbelts and remove all horns while seating'


A train full of roars & growls, chest beating & CRUNCH,
Someone took it too far, can't they not act like demons for once?
When my elopes final I know that he won't find us,
He won't care about the canaries sent before gold-miners.
Outside of the window is our masters land..
Beautifully burning and barren at the bastards hand.
..Wreak havoc upon earth was the drastic plan.
But fuck that, I only landed here as a stupid mistake,
'Cause St Peter was off duty when I flew to the gate.
I was in a bad place & with mad haste i'm finally leaving
to go and see THAT face who I hope is crying & grieving
I'll try it this evening, i'm proposing to Melanie,
You CAN marry demons..that's not coded a felony,
But it's like gripping water when i'm holding these memories.

But why would SHE ever marry a monster?
She could play drums on my heart and carry a concert,
So lovely, if she refuses then my face will have dropped,
I'd rather put my non-beating heart straight in a box,
And slide giant swords into eight different slots,
Than come to terms with the decision she's making is locked.
Okay, okay, breathe. i'm so stunned i could fall dead..
..But i'd get back up, annoyed with a sore head,
As sweat packs it's bags and runs from my forehead,
With more dread I realize just how quiet i've been,
While the train around me is full of fire and steam,
Desire is seen on each of those hideous faces,
All full of hope and redemption, those idiots hate it
When I tell them they resemble ambhibious races.

Who am I to judge? my face is far from the best so
If God is my witness then I'm marchin' to death row.
As the trains speed matches my thoughts,
I'll piece all my plans together whether jagged or not,
Our master gave us a second chance at the top...
So I've got tunnel vision in this tunnel wishin,
Maybe when I get home the sun will glisten.
As the train stops, it seems like there was someone listenin.
Then, cloaked in a facade of human skin and bones,
I teleport myself to Melanie's to chill and zone,
I'm hoping she's still at home but there's dust like crazy,
& there's a letter on the table saying 'don't try save me'.
It says she committed suicide? I act tough & look,
'To be with my love in heaven'..MAN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

[Orc]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-387347.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...th-386954.html

[Ntalek]

damn man pretty good shit. what i enjoyed most about this piece besides the flow was your great use of wording...you had a few dope lines and quoteables within this piece..some real solid shit..and the storyline itself was mad creative..the flow was smooth from beginning to end..and overall i was just very entertained with this drop..man some of the best shit i've read in here in a while...good shit man great drop.NOM'd.

[Tactixx]

Wicked shit Brdn....Flow was really nice and the concept was quite refreshing and original...Hints of a poet are all over this piece...The ending kinda leaves the reader hanging...which I liked.....word choice I thought for the most part was impecible...Definately gracing OM....Nice drop...keep em coming...enjoyed the read.....peace....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-387366.html

[KharNivore]

oooo nice shit mate..

Flow and imagery was sick.. i loved the subject was kinda fucked up but deep at the same time.. liked the way you used whole setting of heaven and hell ect to display emotions and another story ect.. at least thats how im perceiving it.. Anyways dope ish fam.. 1

[Rosetti Frost]

nice drop flow was good and usage of words......most def worth the read

[Orc]

appreciated ppl. i hit that link tact.

[BEAZY813]

great drop, flowed nicely, great use of words and was very consistent

[Orc]

thx.

[Alphaeus]

This was tight man. I've not read much Topical from you but I'm glad I did.
Opening was great with the speech you put in...it really put the reader into the scene and made me feel I was the character.
You had a nice constant flow that was great for the piece, and your rhyme scheme was on point. Description and imagery was well worked into the piece and the story was great, what else can I say, dope piece Burd.

[Endi]

Good shit man, the flow was on point, maybe a bit off in a spot or two, but nice none the less. And old concept, but you played it well. I didnt really predict the outcome, so it still hit as shock. I dont really have much to complain about. Keep it up.

[Orc]

thx

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ii-387879.html




Loved this piece from you Burden and I will tell you why right now. The rhymescheme, though not on some SmokaJoka or Cry constency.. was very enjoyable. It helped your flow settle itself for me and I didn't stutter or re-read a line which is very good for a writer to do with their readers. Your wording was very nice and understandable. Felt the emotion in this piece was straight and you had some real nice ideas that edged out the imagery of things. Keep writing man.

[Arkiem]

Nice piece good imagination on this. Use of words was sick you really gave a good lyrical content and showed off your skills. Your rhyme was off the wall but do remember your multis like to see more from u.

[Orc]

thx.