Girl- redside167

[Heavy Christo C]

Girl, ur #1 on ma list,
baby be mine thats all i wish,
if ever u in trouble, gimme a call,
ill be there, rite down da hall,
baby, if anyone messin, gimme a call,
ill rip whoever botherin u like da incredible hulk,
ur ma #1, ill never let u go, ill never ask u for a show,
ill treat u however u want, lets take it slow,
id rather be with u then with ma friends,
ill never let u go, ill stick with u till-da-end,
baby your not a toy, ill treat you how u deserve,
with all ma heart, your all reserved,
da times we fought, or da times i got caught,
lyin, stealin, or cheatin, lets push em away cuz im a new man today,
ill give u all ma time, but please baby, dont take advantage of ma dimes,
as im writin dis song im thinkin bout u,
duno how to ask u,
how will u see us as a me + u?
will all da hard times that we've been thru go inta da history book,
please baby girl gimme da look,
i treat you rite all da time, ive helped u at any time,
in da day, or 12 at night,
dont be shy with me baby, your always right,
ill hold u in my arms nice n tight,
ill treasure da memories inside me forever,
n ill never let u go,
ur ma #1 baby, just to let u know,


Thanks. Id appreciate feedback.

[Darkness.]

this was iight. nothing spectacular the flow was descent and the rhymes were ok. didnt see much compelexity. maybe up the vocab and create better/more imagery to the peice. overll this was iight. definately see room for improvement. keep writing.

[fazeT]

this was str8
your repeated your self a few times, rhymin you with you, but besides that it was a cool letter!
stayup

[Heavy Christo C]

thnx

[Heavy Christo C]

uppn ^^