Updataed version of It Was All A Dream

[Arkiem]

It Was All A Dream

Kick back relaxing, Doin’ my own thing
The dreams that I’m in, kinda controlling.
When it’s all said and done what world I’m thrown in
Torn between the past and the life that I roll with.
It doesn’t matter what I did & I said,
or what you read, cos things are dread
Everytime people make me see red.
The bad dreams that I have it is all in my head.
Cos when it’s all said and done And is laid to rest
I’ll past the test, So u know I’ll come out the best.
Cos it's hard now a days to gain respect
So I fret every time my dreams takes a set,
That's what u get when you try to be perfect.
so when the dreams hit hard I find myself in distress
Everytime i'm in a dream i don't know what to expect
So when I rest I hope I'll come out the best.

{Chorus}

It was all a dream
The devil wanna hear me scream
I kick back and relax analyse da scene
It was all a dream
Now that i've been hell for real
I kick back and relax and analyse da dream

{Verse 2}

As I entered down in hell, under a spell
for them the world, is about to end
and then again, the devil took out his pen
showed me the contract just to save my freinds
Sign your name, this ain't no mo'f***in' game
I'm not playing, you know you want to stop the pain.
so as I took out the pen to sign my name
I heard the rain, thats when holy angels came.
hell was under attack, theres no time to stay
Or else i'll pay, when the Father comes my way.
I heard dem say, you might live for today.
As I tried to duck and dive and to move away
someone said hey Arkiem it's time to pray
I saw one of my people trying to duck from the rays.
There was a almighty crash that broke hell's gate
I took up my place, its time to face the rage.

{Chorus}

{verse 3}

Jumped out of my sleep i couldn't breathe
I wondered what the f**k just happened to me
So i freezed tried to put my mind at ease
For real i realised it was all a dream
could it be my mind is playing trick on me
For a minute i nearly signed the deal
jumped out of me bed and washed me face
in a haste, cos i had to leave the place
back in da game had things to do today
But I'm glad things were goin' my way
cos this ain't no f***in' time to go insaine.
I'm on a whole different mission to save my day
with things to do and trying to get paid
I knew this ain't no time to be enslaved
Can't afford to hit the streets and end up in a grave.
It's a whole different life I have to face today.

{Chorus}

feed link 1: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...2&postcount=22

feed link 2:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...2&postcount=22

[Jawn Raw]

this is okay nothing spectacular man. the verses are like half verses and it's really simplistic and you have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. plus you need 2 links so feed this for one of your links.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-386858.html

[IconIQ]

firstly, you've set this out as readin like a audio piece. thats cool, but all ya main verses are like half the length they should be, unless you wrote this to some wierd ass instrumental.

It doesn’t matter what I did & said,
or what you read, cos things are dread

^^ don't force rhymes, it sounds terrible. 'things are dread'? nooo man.

your chorus was pretty off too. you got double teamed? what, like raped n shit? lol. at least it was central to the theme, i guess..

could it be my mind is playing trick on me
For a minute i nearly signed the deal

^^ you throw your flow of a hell of a lot, none of your bars seem to transition too smoothly, and some just plain dont rhyme or flow at all.

unfortunately, your style is painfully painfully english. and thats in the bad way i'm afraid, meaning - simple rhymescheme, no multies or clever metas, didnt evoke any real imagery, silly slang and nasty flow. i suppose theres a bit of a message, but is there really? on second thought, well, no, a story would be more accurate.

i'm only glad you didnt say mandem or blud, so theres a redeeming quality, kinda. rep the uk, fuck yeah! just don't sound stupid when ya doin it man. it makes rest of us sound dumb too.

ah, i'm not tryin to hate dont get me wrong, im an english rapper too. its just so many uk heads mess it up this way, you gotta pull out of it.

and yeah, feed two verses in order to open your own. if you like you can rtf on my piece;

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-386468.html

pz 1

[Arkiem]

Okay I've reworked this lyrics for people who thought this was too short in the verses and for people who said that the flow was strange and did not work.

Jugde for yourself the final cut.

[Rosetti Frost]

decent not bad not great but not bad............the flow is a lil weird at some points

[Arkiem]

bump new verses up

[The Genesis]

I liked the audio structure, props for actually having a whole piece as opposed to one half assed verse. but overall lyrically it was mad simple, alot of forced rhymes, which makes it hard to get into the story telling type shit, your style needs alot of work but keep writing and stay improving.

[Arkiem]

Thanks for the feed Genesis good to hear comments like this I'll try to improve on the lyric writing.