Uppin this^^
1 up per day, only warning you'll get. that means 24 hours minimum between upping your own. I'll close it next time.
Wu-Tang Forever
Nothing Was The Same
I have no idea why you would up your piece at 32 replys. Well you did do a nice job an it seems that no one gave you any feedback that will help you out down the road. I thought that this was a good choice of topic! I dont think that I have ever seen anyone attempt this one and you did a nice job. One thing that I thought was really basic was your overall rhyme scheme. Although you had a good flow it was just really basic and sort of made this piece a little weak on the edges. Not to much to critique! I feel that you did a nice job just elevate your rhyme scheme and keep at it i guess
Nice B, I Gotta A Lil Problem Stayin On Topic So Respect For Anyone Doin It Thru Out The Whole Piece
I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
I sit nervous, fists hurtin, my heart beats like a race horse,
the crowd starts screamin ready to see what they payed for..
insane roars, ref opens the cage door, I hear my jam playin,
so I walk in.. glance faces, some cheer.. other fans hatin..
stands shakin, I can't take it, I'm ready but my heart's sinkin,
as I look over at my opponent I just wanna start swingin..
start bringin- the skills that I've learnt, buildin my work,
it's killin my nerves, so we touch gloves.. both grillin to hurt..
first 5 bars killed it n word i liked the multis
Coo....
Good shyt here Bar.
Imagery really set the piece off IMO. You painted a good picture and worded your lyrics nicely.
Consistent, Consistent, CONSISTENT!!
Everything just flowed well. Keep it up w/ the HOF material man.
Cry Me a River, Build a Bridge and get Over It.
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DubbYa DubbYa DubbYa dot
I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
I sit nervous, fists hurtin, my heart beats like a race horse,
the crowd starts screamin ready to see what they payed for..
insane roars, ref opens the cage door, I hear my jam playin,
so I walk in.. glance faces, some cheer.. other fans hatin..
I really liked this. The multis and the imagery was dope.
straight plowed, now I'm thinkin.. "submissions for what?",
cuz I'm not givin a fuck, so I defend til the first 5 minutes is up..
"are you listenin bra?", sweat pours as I ignore my trainers,
they can bore me later, I already know the score on paper..
I don't really have criticism. Hit on point, dope, etc. Good shit.
yo this was nasty man
when u linked me to it i read it just couldnt post was to late
anyways this is sick
alot better then the battle verse i seen
one
Word....
I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
I sit nervous, fists hurtin, my heart beats like a race horse,
the crowd starts screamin ready to see what they payed for..
insane roars, ref opens the cage door, I hear my jam playin,
so I walk in.. glance faces, some cheer.. other fans hatin..
nice way to open. slick multies and flows nice. last couplet here is my favourite.
willin to burn, for 5 rounds.. but a KO is what I'll aim at,
we trade paths, as I push forward on the blood stained mat..
he backs away fast, stays back, wonders what I'm plannin,
so I throw jabs like cannons, usin reach to my advantage..
pretty nice imagery brought out here, and again your multies and flow is on point.
"are you listenin bra?", sweat pours as I ignore my trainers,
they can bore me later, I already know the score on paper..
again consistently good along with the rest of the piece, but this couplet stood out for me.
to shred his pride, followed up by a SPINNING BACK FIST,
it clips his glass chin, he hits the mat quick, ref jumps in n that's it..
fans go nuts, then I wake up, nothing's what it seems,
meh.. fuck it.... everybody's gotta have a dream..........
i like the final twist, always makes me look back on a piece in a different way once you know the ending. overall this piece was good, flowed real nice and you kept rhythm n pace through using some nice multies. few nice descriptive lines too, i liked it. keep up and rtf if you would;
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-386468.html
this was dope Vic... sick, sick multies... very graphic and vivid, I could see this whole shit play out in my head... what I like most about your writing is that you don't use your multies just for the sake of a rhyme, they all are relevant and make sense... I could really feel the emotion of the character in this... shit was nice...
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lol cool twist at the end. but i seen people nom this and i also agree that this should be hof. the storyline was really strong and i like from the beginning to end it was so well explained and very descriptive. the word choice was goood and i dont think i would change anything about it. the imagery was dope and the flow was fluent as well. I mean seriously this was a great piece. This is def a first time reading a piece with the ultimate fighting theme. great job on this bar.
rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-386858.html
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