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Thread: Fight Night

  1. #1
    Needs no introduction Barcotic's Avatar
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    Fight Night



    I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
    been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
    I sit nervous, fists hurtin, my heart beats like a race horse,
    the crowd starts screamin ready to see what they payed for..
    Insane roars, ref opens the cage door, I hear my jam playin,
    so I walk in.. glance faces, some cheer.. other fans hatin..
    Stands shakin, I can't take it, I'm ready but my heart's sinkin,
    as I look over at my opponent I just wanna start swingin..
    Start bringin, the skills that I've learnt, buildin my work,
    it's killin my nerves, so we touch gloves.. both grillin to hurt..
    Willin to burn, for 5 rounds.. but a KO is what I'll aim at,
    we trade paths, as I push forward on the blood stained mat..
    He backs away fast, stays back, wonders what I'm plannin,
    so I throw jabs like cannons, usin reach to my advantage..
    Some landin but lack damage, he ducks for a take down,
    my first mistake now, feels like gettin hit by a Greyhound..
    Straight plowed, now I'm thinkin.. "submissions for what?",
    cuz I'm not givin a fuck, so I defend til the first 5 minutes is up..
    "Are you listenin bruh?", sweat pours as I ignore my trainers,
    they can bore me later, I already know the score on paper..
    But this war is greater, than just a one round beating,
    I'm now steaming, wow, bleeding, n this isn't crowd pleasing..
    The clown sees me, as I stand first.. round two's about to begin,
    I welcome him in, I already know what they were tellin the kid..
    "Don't let Ellison live!", so he tries takin me down a second time,
    I won't let it ride, I counter with combinations to his head n side..
    To shred his pride, followed up by a SPINNING BACK FIST,
    it clips his glass chin, he hits the mat quick, ref jumps in n that's it..
    Fans go nuts, then I wake up, nothing's what it seems,
    meh.. fuck it.... everybody's gotta have a dream..........

    *Goes back to sleep*
    Last edited by Barcotic; March 3rd, 2009 at 06:46 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    Re: Fight Night

    fuck man that was one real nice drop. I don't usually read open mic stuff but that was very good. I can tell a lot of time and effort went into the piece and it really showed. My favorite part was:

    I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
    been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
    I sit nervous, fists hurtin, my heart beats like a race horse,
    the crowd starts screamin ready to see what they payed for


    Very nice drop Bar.

  4. #4

    Re: Fight Night

    U had real good multis, good flow, nice structure. No metaphors in my only big gripe- but thats just me i love good metas. Loved the first 2 lines for some reason, real brooding feel to it.

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    Re: Fight Night

    I'm broke.. the crib's worthless, last month I quit workin,
    been spendin all my time trainin for this one strict purpose..
    ( i think you should cut out the "strict" in this line, i think it would make it flow better)
    the clown sees me, as I stand first.. round two's about to begin,
    ( you should say round two 'bout to begin, in my opinion it flows better)

    only two things i noticed that were negative...

    this piece was great, all the multis you worked into the piece just put this on a whole other level.

    great drop mad props....

  6. #6
    Needs no introduction Barcotic's Avatar
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    Re: Fight Night

    Word dude, thanx for the feed (much appreciated).. altho, the 1st thing you said doesn't make sense.. if you take the "strict" out, it ruins the multies.. crib's worthless/quit workin/strict purpose/sit nervous/fists hurtin.. see??

  7. #7
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    Re: Fight Night

    Barcotic you from canada?
    buh anywiaiss yah the first bars realli stood out for meee
    some ill shit overall just needs a little more work on the flow a bit

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    Re: Fight Night

    oh... yeah, my bad, sometimes its hard to understand what points in the lines you would stress vocally my bad i meant if you were looking at the bar matching in syllables, its all good

  9. #9
    Needs no introduction Barcotic's Avatar
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    Re: Fight Night

    Uppin^^ I'll return the feed if you leave a link....

  10. #10
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    Re: Fight Night

    Good drop nice wordplay the topic was different and you used that to your advantage. You were on point with the topic you made your piece visualize. You also made this piece stand out from other topics just by using this name for this topic. Overall excellent drop keep it up
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.

  11. #11
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    Re: Fight Night

    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel570 View Post
    Barcotic you from canada?
    buh anywiaiss yah the first bars realli stood out for meee
    some ill shit overall just needs a little more work on the flow a bit
    wtf @ having to work on the flow.. thats what stood out to me the most in this piece.. the multi's were hot as fuck.. the flow was insane.. the content was good.. but like someone else said the only thing lacking was some similes n metaphors.. u did have that greyhound line but other then that i didnt see anything else as far as meta's or similes but overall man this was a dope OM good work bro

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  12. #12
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    Re: Fight Night

    fire shit with the twist at the end. good flow through out nice read. wish you would have used some metas or somthing. but i enjoyed it.

  13. #13
    Needs no introduction Barcotic's Avatar
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    Re: Fight Night

    ^I did use a couple.. 2 to be exact.. but I felt that metas n shit wouldn't have worked too well with it.. too many metas can ruin what I was goin for.. thanx for the feed ya'll, glad you liked it....

  14. #14
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    Re: Fight Night

    nice drop barc. the first 4 lines were killer tho homie. shyt like that catches the reader's attention and draws em' in my dude. keep this shyt up!

  15. #15
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    Re: Fight Night

    this was a real nice drop. idk if your in SS but should sign up. you opened this real good, caught the attention well. stayed on point through it all, so the story never fell off at all. It flowed real nice imo. maybe a line or two i though sounded a bit out of place, but nothing threw the piece off. Like you said, too many multis would have kinda thrown this off and its a good thing you realize that. a lot of people just try to multi the verse to death. overall this was a real good job for sure..keep it up.
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