Vivid Dreams of An Angels Persona's SS Drop

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Vivid Dreams of An Angels Persona's

Widen my eyelids.. and let the light in.
Excited from violence.. Smile while I dream in silence.
I have the privilege to witness the innocent stab and killed
Can't quite feel slits.. live in an image of what sorrow built.
Bridges were burning and corpse's cluttered the clouds.
The angels were turned free and were no where to be found.
So Satan's children ran the lands and killed any others.
The sacred millions had no chance.. sunk in sand and smothered.
They were armed with blades, bombs and rapid fire weapons.
Caused harm to the great, dumb and those close to perfection.
Destroyed the earths race and controlled the clouds above.
Deployed fractured faces to wrap chains on those in love.
Took one step left and felt the flames in my heart.
Fire came with my breath and my skin was singed dark.
Charred and tattered, I owned wings but grew horns.
Far from laughter I seemed to scream of true scorn.
No clues on who I'm suppose to abuse or help.
No shoes so I flew into the clouds by myself.
Wanted to remember whether I'm better then demons and death.
My head seemed so upset.. yet my bleeding was red with regret.
And black tar boiled from my skins incision and dried to ash
I flew far on a pretend mission with only insanity in grasp.
Began to kill all I crossed, head so lost it cost millions lives.
Emotions were fought then I thought to drop this villainous knife.
Folded my claws and starred towards the sky and stars.
Clenched my jaw and dared to cut the same scars.
Reopen wounds of hoping for oceans of dead corpses..
My lungs consume the spoken echo that was more fortunate
Rip my shirt off to find pentagram tattoos across my chest.
Then found a cross.. beneath the pentagram and lost my breath
Wings were becoming tired as the desire still burned on.
Drug my feet thru fires as all the liars were turned wrong.
So many nights and days through this amazing maze.
Wish a halo could light my ways through the change of strange.
Until finally, I reached the white clouds and rested softly.
A demon that breached the compound and no one can stop me.
Not here to corrupt sunsets and shade the suns light
I just fear whats next in this game of gun fights
Bullets tear the ivory skies and leave holes in white.
Then I awaken to baby cries and thru my window pours sunlight..





Links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...od-385362.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...al-385394.html

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uppin i will return feed

[Tactixx]

this was a nice drop bilayer...alot of emotion and complex rhymescheme and vocab...It had alot of descriptive words and a strong voice....Imagery was there too...I liked the content used in about the 20th line on....

Wanted to remember whether I'm better then demons and death.
My head seemed so upset.. yet my bleeding was red with regret.
And black tar boiled from my skins incision and dried to ash
I flew far on a pretend mission with only insanity in grasp.
Began to kill all I crossed, head so lost it cost millions lives.
Emotions were fought then I thought to drop this villainous knife.
Folded my claws and starred towards the sky and stars.
Clenched my jaw and dared to cut the same scars.
Reopen wounds of hoping for oceans of dead corpses..
My lungs consume the spoken echo that was more fortunate

yeah man...nice job....sorry I dont have more time....gotta go shopping...peace....

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thanx for the feed tactixx

[Ace of Aces]

Good stuff man.
You kept the tone all the way through and didn't let up even once. I thought that you made some creative imagery for the reader. Here's my favorite bit:

Reopen wounds of hoping for oceans of dead corpses..
My lungs consume the spoken echo that was more fortunate
Rip my shirt off to find pentagram tattoos across my chest.
Then found a cross.. beneath the pentagram and lost my breath

^this especially I felt because not only was it vividly described but it was smooth and pretty

This kind of take of some dream/nightmare piece is done often but I think you did it well either way.

Keep writin homie.

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thanx for the feed ace

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uppin for feed

[Spoken]

This was a nicer read than the one i read just previously nah mean... this showed the criticism that i placed on you man and you took it in spite with great finesse and showed off your talent and your growth with the business man. props on this great reading... time to breakdown?...here it comes....

Widen my eyelids.. and let the light in.
Excited from violence.. Smile while I dream in silence.

loved your wording here came about nicely man..your voice was heard and your style in this was smooth...nothing really forced. props

I have the privilege to witness the innocent stab and killed
Can't quite feel slits.. live in an image of what sorrow built.

This to me put me down a bit cause it went a little fragmented nah mean ...like stop then go instead of it going through fully all the way nah mean... i liked the try though man... props on this aswell.

Bridges were burning and corpse's cluttered the clouds.
The angels were turned free and were no where to be found.
So Satan's children ran the lands and killed any others.
The sacred millions had no chance.. sunk in sand and smothered.
They were armed with blades, bombs and rapid fire weapons.
Caused harm to the great, dumb and those close to perfection.
Destroyed the earths race and controlled the clouds above.
Deployed fractured faces to wrap chains on those in love.
Took one step left and felt the flames in my heart.
Fire came with my breath and my skin was singed dark.
Charred and tattered, I owned wings but grew horns.
Far from laughter I seemed to scream of true scorn.
No clues on who I'm suppose to abuse or help.
No shoes so I flew into the clouds by myself.

Loved this part right here man... the whole stanza here was said nicely and was there man. your content was packed and your emotion was heard and felt deeply. the metaphors were a bit cheesy but still came about smooth and which i know most can't see it like me but i see this as going through nicely man... smooth and clean man.

Wanted to remember whether I'm better then demons and death.
My head seemed so upset.. yet my bleeding was red with regret.
And black tar boiled from my skins incision and dried to ash
I flew far on a pretend mission with only insanity in grasp.
Began to kill all I crossed, head so lost it cost millions lives.
Emotions were fought then I thought to drop this villainous knife.
Folded my claws and starred towards the sky and stars.
Clenched my jaw and dared to cut the same scars.
Reopen wounds of hoping for oceans of dead corpses..
My lungs consume the spoken echo that was more fortunate
Rip my shirt off to find pentagram tattoos across my chest.
Then found a cross.. beneath the pentagram and lost my breath

loved this part aswell... it stood tall and didnt quite man... you had this flow that i loved so much man.. it was real thick with emotion and i loved how your word assortion was said man... the tatoo line was nicely done... your twist on this whole story was great and your take was somewhat original but i still want you to break through with great finesse and smoothen your style more and make appeal of you own in writing... so i can not wait to see you show the people here on RB that you are a writer to be remember by with your writing

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^^^ thanx fam that was one of the best feeds i could of read cause now i see wht u were talking about and i can hopefully make it a strong point of mine

[Aero Soul]

uppin

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uppin for feed back