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Thread: The Kill.

  1. #1
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    The Kill. (TR) Majin ft Endi

    Majin
    Peering from the shadows, keeping his breathing silent.
    Thinking trying to stay calm, “I can't let this get too violent.”
    Patience wearing thin, and his body is on the verge of stalling
    Till he hears the floor creaking, it’s the sound of destiny calling
    The handle turns, as an elderly gentleman enters the room
    Goes to flip the switch, now to see the act in full bloom.
    The mirror shows the action unfold, as he loses all hope.
    “Say hello to death.” As he places the blade upon his throat.
    He does his job well, giving in with every ounce of passion.
    As the thunder’s roaring, and the lightning dances by flashing
    The man falls looking up with fear, as he’s gasping and wheezing
    He just smiles, staring endlessly at the man as he’s bleeding.
    With the job done, he cleans up with a wash of the blade
    Throws on his coat, and begins to descend as the lights fade…

    Endi
    Cold as ice, I march through the rainy night,
    vision blurred with blood, as I spy the grainy lights,
    no remorse, my soul stays blacker than ash,
    fearless on the street, cause I’m packing a mag,
    I like to take a stroll and think of my murders,
    stop at the shop, let my teeth sink in a burger,
    brutal, I’m the type to stomach any sight,
    without regret, capable of killing without fright,
    possessing satans unholy might, I stand insane,
    gaze upon the stars, grab a blade and slice the frame,
    and ponder all the ways I've diced a face,
    I cant feel anything now, but that’s the price you pay
    Last edited by Uben. Pwnd; December 18th, 2008 at 11:20 AM

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  2. #2
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    Last edited by Uben. Pwnd; December 19th, 2008 at 02:36 PM

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  3. #3
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    Re: The Kill.

    This was really nice guys. I loved the way to presented the piece also,
    Uben talking about the murder scene & Endi talking about the emotions of the killer.
    It was a really nice way to structure the piece.

    Uben, you started strong. Nice rhyme scheme at the start of your verse.
    strong vocab and nice imagery ran though-out.
    I thought the way to steered the piece was good and you made it easy for Endi to then move to his verse with a nice transistion.

    Endi, your verse was nice. I think you got down the emotions of the killer perfectly.
    You wrote it in a way in which I would have, and you potrayed the killer as almost heartless by stopping for a burger.
    Nice rhyme scheme from you also and you ended the piece well.
    Well done to both of you

  4. #4
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    Thanks for the feed my friend.
    Much appreciated.

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  5. #5
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    Re: The Kill.

    Gonna nom this, I just read it again and I think its a great piece

  6. #6
    Its Me Dekken's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    ok, I like Majins better, came with more story flow, nice vocab and nice rhymes, its diffrent than what ive seen you do, its pretty sick, uve got a great writing style,

    Endi, urs was pretty good, had more of a poem feel to it, would be nice 2 beat forsure,
    I like to take a stroll and think of my murders,
    stop at the shop, let my teeth sink in a burger,

    I like that line,it shows how cold u r in it, and how u can eat right after killing somebody,

    this was a nice drop guys, Keep the illness up

  7. #7
    Fly in under the Radar. Tactixx's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    damn......nice....lemme break it down..

    Majin....what can I say...another vivid story teller...kudos on the story and imagery leading all the way throughout your verse..Id put up a quote but every line compliments the other and continues the story...flow and rhymescheme and all that was there...led into Endi's verse nicely...and I like this concept...even if it has been done before...

    Endi....you continued the story along with your own style which to me displayed a little harder and cold emotion.....but the multi's you threw in were nice as well..I liked the imagery of him goin to sit down and have a burger after the murder...all in all guys I think this was a real nice piece....Ill get at both of you for a collab sometime soon......peace..

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  8. #8
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    Thanks for the feed fam.

    Upping this.

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  9. #9
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    Upping.

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  10. #10
    Past. Present. Future Uben. Pwnd's Avatar
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    Re: The Kill.

    To the top.

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  11. #11
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    Re: The Kill.

    Thanks for the feed yall.

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