Hark, the podium now under my heels

[spokenoh]

Thwarted aspirations,
To you I recall diminished and dreary,
The thickest of adolescent content
And death by overconsumption.
I am the studied outlier.
But the unread novel, bloodied prize.

System of strain,
I am not a student of the hidden curriculum,
Nor a precursor to yesterday, and the slave
You seek has a proverb rich in the fabric of us,
And runs from the spine’s split of our two pages.
I am juxtaposed to reflection.

Fatherly Archetype,
Why do we capitalize your existence?
The laundering of genes, and pinstriped pants,
Your days are numbered until my clock stops –
The slant of simultaneous, obtuse angles
And I play Pythagorean chess,
Although the checker board is square.

Albee and Shakespeare,
Killers of women and dogs, thieves of
Normalcy replaced with heroinic unics.
On to something, the scent of Puritan fear,
Supermarket beer, and the chattering of teeth.
Thank Man, god dropped dead.
Spineless books,
I’ve learnt your discourse from tiled walls
Scraped, scrawling w/ philosophy and cocked
Language that makes you want to shit yourself,
But you hold it in like the rest of the filth you swallow.
This Jung man of 19 wasted by dawn,
And put to sleep in a leatherbound.

replied to Death of a Moniker, and atti's poem, whatever it was called.

[spokenoh]

This better not to be like the last time.

[Ebolorama]

I thought that this was a good drop man. I feel that the imagery was very nice but the wording and how things were put stuck out to me the most. I feel that this was a good drop. I look forward to reading more

[Spoken Deity]

This better not to be like the last time.

you mean you and no links?

[Neruda II]

just copy and paste ebolorama's feed. that's pretty much how bland feed is in here

LOLOLOL FEEDERS HALL OF FAMEEEE SO MUCH FAME IN THIS BITCH LOLOLOL

"I thought your imagery painted a picture and that you used words in this poem. I felt emotion and it was good. I think metaphors were definitely a part of this read, and similes were there too." WTFFF

With my discontent rambling out of the way, I'd like to say the last stanza of this was genius! It put a huge fucking smile on my face, and once again, I'm envious(with a slight hint of pride) that you thought of that, and I didn't. The first two stanzas didn't grab me as much as I was thought they would. The idea of it, a self loathing, but almost self absorbed verse - I like it, but it just wasn't arranged in a way that made me impressed. The diction was great, but the lines just didn't flow into each other as well as I thought they should've. (All of that referring to the first stanza) As far as the second stanza is concerned, it's extremely clever. The only thing that bothered me was the sentence structure, the thought was extended a bit too long for my taste. Like I said though, very clever. "Fatherly Archetype, Why do you capitalize your existence" Brilliance! That line put smile on my face, about the dopest thing I've read in a while. The words were fresh, and new, the idea was bold and executed perfectly within the poem. This read almost like a manifesto to me, it was blunt and extremely expressive. Very powerful work here, but in its prowess you can find a subtle genius. Thanks for the read.

[Martyr-]

Thwarted aspirations,
To you I recall diminished and dreary,
The thickest of adolescent content
And death by overconsumption.
I am the studied outlier.
But the unread novel, bloodied prize.

This was an ok stanza. I think you're to focused on keeping the content short and effective, but a few lines in this stanza could have contained a few more syllable's, at least in my opinion. I like the line 'I am the studied outlier.' It's a bold statement, and played out very effectively. The punctuation, however, felt misplaced. I bet you're trying to place emphasis on certain words and lines, infact it seems quite evident to me. Mainly, with the last couplet of the stanza. It felt weird, to me, at least. Perhaps consider a mild revision there.

System of strain,
I am not a student of the hidden curriculum,
Nor a precursor to yesterday, and the slave
You seek has a proverb rich in the fabric of us,
And runs from the spine’s split of our two pages.
I am juxtaposed to reflection.

I really dig this stanza, man. The last line of this was clever, that is for sure.
However, again, the placement of words made this read.. weirdly. I believe you should have added some sort of noun, most likely 'it' between 'and' and 'runs.' Just something so small would have made it read more fluid, and also would have placed more emphasis on it.

Fatherly Archetype,
Why do we capitalize your existence?
The laundering of genes, and pinstriped pants,
Your days are numbered until my clock stops –
The slant of simultaneous, obtuse angles
And I play Pythagorean chess,
Although the checker board is square.

This stanza was very intriguing. I love the first two lines, it was what made this stanza profound, to me. It's a question that i'm sure resides in everyone's mind.. but the way you put it down is pretty nice.

Albee and Shakespeare,
Killers of women and dogs, thieves of
Normalcy replaced with heroinic unics.
On to something, the scent of Puritan fear,
Supermarket beer, and the chattering of teeth.
Thank Man, god dropped dead.
Spineless books,
I’ve learnt your discourse from tiled walls
Scraped, scrawling w/ philosophy and cocked
Language that makes you want to shit yourself,
But you hold it in like the rest of the filth you swallow.
This Jung man of 19 wasted by dawn,
And put to sleep in a leatherbound.

I like the majority of this stanza, quite alot. It has an evident realization feel. However, the gripe I have is with the words 'heroinic' and 'unics.' I don't believe those two words derive from the english dictionary? I apologize if I just haven't came across the words before. Maybe you meant Heroic units? That would still fit with normalcy. Idk, i'm lost there, my apologies.

Eh, sorry for the crap feed. Overall, this was a pretty decent piece. Had some nice, intricate lines throughout. Mainly, I believe your voice was the most profound technique throughout the piece. Oh, please reference me to the words I called you out on. G'day.

[Neruda II]

without a dick

[Martyr-]

Lmao, hopefully that was evident.

[spokenoh]

In regards to Spoken Deity, no, you have it wrong. Sorry that I didn't copy and paste my little linkys for you, don't mean to break your heart you know. I think you know what I mean though.
And I made up heroinic, because of the content of the piece. If you didn't read into it beyond style and language, it discusses certain social functions, rather games, that are played. One of these games is the Americanization and male-superior functioning of language. I chose to use heroinic because it is appropriate to that stanza, and I used unic instead of eunuch, partly for the same reason, except it doesn't mean anything other than the dumbing down of language and how it changes the understanding.

[spokenoh]

Thai down.

[Sting3r]

good vocab for sure,
content was alright, but between google define:
I became lost

[spokenoh]

What?

[Spoken Deity]

You've got some heavy stuff in here... Your metaphors and similes were hard to really understand, but it worked well. Your overall metaphor was a very interesting, intelligent message... Your take on man-hood in the culture was really original.
Your imagery was original as well; full of concepts that really paint pictures in ones mind. I see no issue in creating words like 'Heroinic' to get a point accross. I wouldnt have gotten it unless you talked about it in all honesty... The unic thing didnt make sense to me though. sorry.

Overall, this drop is strong...pretty heavy, intelligent and original. We need you dropping more in PS dude!
rtf on To the Heavens.