Death of A Moniker

[Dayvid Aimz]

I killed your moniker/psuedonym
You pseudonympho with 1 million, pseudo-friends
Dreams of Mercedes Benz and Botox
BMW's and breast augmentations
Off-the-cuff penis enlargements
Revolution, never started its the
Illusion of progresscreating movement
All we ever gain is momentum
Too scared to follow in footsteps of
Winged mammals that fly away
They stay unaffected by Earthy friction
Only aerodynamics combat them
Contrast that with what goes on here
Whatever happen to coy demeanors
Whatever happened to humanitarian efforts
Everything I loved is a gimmicky ploy
Put in place by technicolor analysts
Working with a nauseating, BIG BROTHER
They show me something shiny
and guess what I did
I called it innovation, sweet innovation
There's a small chance of impotence
...yet they screwed me all the way through

They didn't kill Superman
They killed his Moniker
By moniker I mean Clark Kent
My favorite schizophrenic
See I used to look up to him
Right up until they killed his moniker
I used to beg him for piggy-back rides
He told me of the cruel world
The one he'd shield me from
Metropolis?...I'd ask reluctantly
See the real world is like Metropolis
Well I don't wanna just give this
Well-endowed metaphor away
Its jubilant and gay....no homo
Although thats what I meant to say
I'm straying from the topic a little


What I'm saying is that Superman is God
Metropolis is the world and the devil
He is Bizarro...Hell is Bizarro world
I combat'd him and failed, epicly
These words on my tongue, frail
You are a semi-satanic Lexx Luther
I am society and I rebuke you
Lukewarm tempraments......
You fuckers killed my hero
Well atleast his moniker
You angst-filled slayers of
CLARK KENT
Now the little kid in me rebels
Speaking of purgatory and limbo
The little catholic schoolboy
Speaking of brimstone and repentance
This is the story of a dead moniker
To the naked eye it'll be labeled senseless

WHERE ART THOU FAIR, NIETZSCHE-LIKE MADMEN

2 LINKS:
For The Untouched-Elemental Soul
NO JUSTICE!-Spoken Deity

[Märtyr]

This was.. all over the place. It seemed like you forgot what punctuation is, and how to use it. I also noticed that you have a problem with unnessecary repetition.. it really throws a poem off, bro. However much I liked the subject matter of this piece, you sort of.. destroyed it with all of your mangled images. They take me from one mind-state to another way too quickly. You seem like you have the right idea, but you're in dire need of honing. I mean, the middle stanza read's like prose. For the subject matter, you're mature, however, you're still an adolescent when it comes to proper poetic craft.. as most of us here are. I'm too lazy to properly critique each individual stanza, so here's a weak summation of my thoughts. pz

[spokenoh]

I think that you wrote a very well-written first stanza and then did something weird for the rest. I think there was a bit of redundancy to it, but I see you're going for this very off-the-wall like a bad picture kind of thing with the voice. And that's cool. First stanza had some interesting word play, solid use of contrasting ideas, and made up words that actually worked like earthy. That shows a light hearted side, and I mean it's a different approach than a lot of junk. The second stanza was in serious decline tho, could have made it much more sinister and demented whereas you seemed content to just muse over your own lack of direction. Third stanza was better, but nothing flowed like the first.

Oh by the way, God is dead.

[Jamhuri]

i like the poem.
I dont think you're meant to put your ideas in the basic orderly thought-followed-by-thought manner. The idea being 'all over the place' in this piece kind of worked towards the overal theme. brought out a sense of angst.
This was OK.

[Jamhuri]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-383905.html