Hate life, Hate you...Hate myself

[Alphaeus]

Hate life, Hate myself
by stock


The shadows of extinction pass over us all,
and the light may bypass some.
And though I long,
and though I cry,
I know one day I will dissent into the fire.
The light that brings hope,
that sun that brings happiness,
all I can do is pray that my time comes.

Two pale moths
rise up from my eye sockets
on flickering wings

My lifelong path is so unclear,
morals dead, I am unable to fight.
My golden flame is extinguished,
the flame which guides me true,
I wish I could distinguish,
sadness and Happiness, around fear,
my emptiness is here,
Darkness sucks my spirit dear.

I can hear
the rain outside,
I can feel a spider's touch

Shrouded in a veil of shadows.
No sun shall shine -
For light is divine,
here evil and darkness reign.
Dead trees overhang my black lake of death,
for the birds of doom to rest upon.
I wish the sun would go away.
I want the rain to pour like blood for seven days.

I can feel you
inside me
Running through my veins

I put up so many walls you see,
I tried to lock myself away,
I am so scared of trusting,
lock me in my head, I can keep the key,
you see it’s a prison, a prison being me.
Hate life, Hate you...Hate myself…
I wish me dead, like I do everyone else

And now,
now I'll cut you out

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ke-382978.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-382667.html

[Ebolorama]

I want to apologize for sleeping on this. I have been in here like 3 times but I'm here now and thats all that matters. I thought that the opening stanza was really nice! It had some detail and it was very smooth. Then I read the second stanza and I think that you killed yourself on the flow. I think that the rhyme scheme you had in there just made the value go down big time. What i liked most were the little 3 line killers in between the stanza. I thought those were really nice and had a certain quality to them.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-382993.html

[Vincent Maestro]

This piece was really, really...."Somber"...it kinda had this really pensive mood to it. As far as the technical stuff like structure and flow I liked it alot...

The shadows of extinction pass over us all,
and the light may bypass some.
And though I long,
and though I cry,
I know one day I will dissent into the fire.
The light that brings hope,
that sun that brings happiness,
all I can do is pray that my time comes.

Two pale moths
rise up from my eye sockets
on flickering wings.
These were really strong lines IMO....they were filled with imagery and had a rhythm that stuck in my head after reading.

I put up so many walls you see,
I tried to lock myself away,
I am so scared of trusting,
lock me in my head, I can keep the key,
you see it’s a prison, a prison being me.
Hate life, Hate you...Hate myself…
I wish me dead, like I do everyone else


The prison metaphor was just dope...made me think of a person feeling that they're body is their personal prison...and they're serving a Life sentence so to speak.

Nice piece Stock....this seemed more well-thought out then some of your other stuff I've read....really felt your writing style on this one.....