Maybe I'm Crazy

[Alphaeus]

Maybe I'm Crazy
by Stock


Drunk again, slurring my words,
I can’t understand my scream.
Once again I punish myself,
for something that I dared to dream.

My structure is a storyboard, for all to see

My hero is dead and now tears
construct from my eyes.
I hear the hour glass as
my image begins to crack.
Insides are dark as my sins
and my dwell resides now black.
I portray myself a ghost and
stand before you a hollow host.
I am an unfolding image of life
with the volume turned down.

Beneath dim eyes and feet that have danced their last
lies a pain you’ll never know.
Eyes glimmer with tears unshed,
one splashes down a rugged face,
a wrinkled hand slowly brushes the tear away.

When I am gone who shall remember?
Who shall cry if my life is cut short?
When the last soul gone, who shall care?
We should - it was all for us.

Your broken promises soon became my shattered dreams

I write and draw coloured images on my skin,
executed by the fear I live.
My frame I give to you…
pick up the pen, and do what feels true
I am ready to rage a war upon his body,
drawing in fine line, a timeline that will,
help me to seek and define my true self.
So I act as a holder for disapproving stares
I am not theirs, so bit your lip!

I don't expect anyone to understand my life

I want the world to stop turning,
for I am not working anymore.
I wish the sun would go away.
And life outside my room to stop,
then everyone to lock themselves away,
I want everyone to weep.
So, all of them all know what I lack,
I want the rain to flood the river, lake and stream,
then I can see the clouds cry like me.

At the end of the day
I break my jaw to present a smile
I am a hidden creature in a body of colours
the young man,
with arms full of faces of pasted lovers!
Crazy, who knows?

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-382427.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-382846.html

[Spekz.]

Ima little confused by this...i think its mostly a self loathing piece just about life in general, but then the end made me believe it was a piece about somebody getting tattoos to show his life...and stuff, i was a tad confused by the overall theme....but as far as the piece goes, it read quite well..and had some nice ideas. It read really well, a few places where a bit rocky but hardly... it was simplistic in terms of language but full of wonderful messages, emotions...n just a well told, complete piece really. Id rather see true indulgence of heart..then over thought complexity existing in words nobody uses or in abstract views you have to be an alien to understand. Even though i was confused by what exactly the piece was trying to be..i thought it was a good message and had worth to it.


When I am gone who shall remember?
Who shall cry if my life is cut short?
When the last soul gone, who shall care?
We should - it was all for us.

^^I like this stanza - i love when a piece makes you tune out for a second while reading, then when your so involved the piece turns around and asks you to be about yourself and truly ask your self these kinda of things... it makes the piece come alive, and make the reader apart of the experience..



good write.

[Jamhuri]

yeah, The poem had some really good ideas. my fav was

I am an unfolding image of life
with the volume turned down.

The language wasn't too lofty. something that makes it enjoyable.
So do the tatts make life more bearable?

[Vincent Maestro]

This was very fun to read....your pieces are becoming more fun to read....your expanding your style by changing your tone.
Its hella fun to watch you keep evolving as a writer.

Well for structure and imagery this piece was flawless....I liked the whole piece storywise to...It was fun to see yo ubecome this character...like how you talked about writing on yourself.

write and draw coloured images on my skin,
executed by the fear I live.
My frame I give to you…
pick up the pen, and do what feels true
I am ready to rage a war upon his body,
drawing in fine line, a timeline that will,
help me to seek and define my true self.
So I act as a holder for disapproving stares
I am not theirs, so bit your lip!

Great poetry in these lines///...thanks for the read stock....very innovative piece imo.

outt.

[Alphaeus]

Thanks a lot Sin

[Blayde]

This was good, havn't seen much in PS from you but it was a nice read.

pick up the pen, and do what feels true
I am ready to rage a war upon his body,
drawing in fine line, a timeline that will,
help me to seek and define my true self.

These lines were the highlight of this piece in my opinion. A cool poem though and phrasing could be a little more polished. Other than that It was worth the read. Overall 7-10

[Ebolorama]

This was good and i have to agree with what everyone said. I really liked the content and how everything seemed to play out. I like the detail and your choice of words. This was really good. I thought that you did a nice job with the emotion and the imagery made it that much better.

RTF-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ts-383308.html