Frozen Memory

[Fatal.]

Progressing directly through the hardest day
Trying to capture the definite smartest way
To possibly stay, never regretting what I say
These street conditions are hostile anyway
Awful pay, where the sky is always glossy gray
Cops eyes locked on the blocks and a lot of guys
Top notch despised, police trying demise our supplies
Our drug value apprised, excessive amount die
Because of their pride for their drug administer life
Sinister strife, as they lurk in alleys within the night
Just last week I found out my brother packs heat
Because I found his piece under my mother's back seat
No wonder he's always out and about probably killing
His hobby is dealing, I wonder how he's honestly feeling
I'm a good kid, never got caught up in the mix of shit
Streets so vicious, constantly at night I listen thick
And I hear the echo of gun shots ricocheting boldly
There is nothing spectacular about my life-time story
Always got to worry about my mom when she goes out
It's cold out, brother's never home, all alone now
Brisk chilly nights, sitting on the sofa, watching TV
The life style that I'm proceeding with is not so easy
I get picked on in school, barely any food in the fridge
What the fuck am I going to do with this shit
Tired of going through it, not in the mood for this

One night my brother came home stumbling bleeding
Bullet's imbedded in his back, barely fucking breathing
I was so young, i couldn't help with his brutal injury
He was bleeding pretty bad, he'll soon be history
I needed to get a hold of mom, Didn't know what's going on
It's close to dawn, she should be home any minute now
My brother continued spitting out blood, I couldn't figure out
What this shit was about, why did he get shot and stuff
But his heart is tough, he'll make it I have a feeling in my gut
Mother came through the door with bags of groceries
She dropped them at the sight of blood, then approached me
Admired my brother's wounds closely, hopefully
She can help him quickly, so my brother doesn't die slowly
My mother's eyes boldly watched, her focus never broke free
She told me to watch as she took out her purse and tools
She used to be a nurse, she knows exactly what to do
She put pressure on the point, took tweezers and dug
My brother squirmed, never heard a scream from a thug
This scene was all blood, she pulled the bullet out clean
And bandaged the damage, So glad she could manage
I finally could understand that this can be a frantic....
Frozen Memory in my mind for eternity,
Nobody would murder me
If I don't be like brother and sell drugs .....
And get caught up with violence
The cold weather still hazing....
Made the memory freeze behind my eyelids

[Fatal.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...om-382699.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-t-382824.html

[Vincent Maestro]

Frozen Memory in my mind for eternity,
Nobody would murder me
If I don't be like brother and sell drugs .....
And get caught up with violence
The cold weather still hazing....
Made the memory freeze behind my eyelids

these lines were real poetic to me....and you closed this out well....you had a great rhymescheme in this piece better than usual imo.


Always got to worry about my mom when she goes out
It's cold out, brother's never home, all alone now
Brisk chilly nights, sitting on the sofa, watching TV
The life style that I'm proceeding with is not so easy
I get picked on in school, barely any food in the fridge
What the fuck am I going to do with this shit
Tired of going through it, not in the mood for this

Cool story you told....I like the whole piece. You are a really good storyteller and you don't lose the reader by trying to overdo multies or whatever.

thanks for the read.

outt.

[Alphaeus]

Another good piece from you again bro,
You had a good rhyme scheme and stayed consistant
Your use of multis was dope, and your piece flowed well

Progressing directly through the hardest day
Trying to capture the definite smartest way
To possibly stay, never regretting what I say
These street conditions are hostile anyway
Awful pay, where the sky is always glossy gray
Cops eyes locked on the blocks and a lot of guys
Top notch despised, police trying demise our supplies
Our drug value apprised, excessive amount die
Because of their pride for their drug administer life
Sinister strife, as they lurk in alleys within the night

Really a great start to the piece, I could put myself into the scene.
Very vivid writing.

One night my brother came home stumbling bleeding
Bullet's imbedded in his back, barely fucking breathing
I was so young, i couldn't help with his brutal injury
He was bleeding pretty bad, he'll soon be history

These lines were great, and again you threw me into the story
Your really becoming a great storyteller, whilst maintaining a great flow


Take a look please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-382853.html

[Fatal.]

thanks for the feed. stock, ill hit ur piece up as soon as possible.

[Barcotic]

Always got to worry about my mom when she goes out
It's cold out, brother's never home, all alone now
Brisk chilly nights, sitting on the sofa, watching TV
The life style that I'm proceeding with is not so easy
I get picked on in school, barely any food in the fridge
What the fuck am I going to do with this shit

^I'm feelin that on a personal level, nice..

This piece was preddy deep, I liked it.. n I also liked how it flowed very nice for the most part, nice multes n it was cool that when you changed the rhythm you didn't change it too much from the last few bars, overall makin it flow even better.. Cool piece, keep droppin..

[Alphaeus]

thanks for the feed. stock, ill hit ur piece up as soon as possible.

Thanks a lot bro, and keep up the dope writing

[Fatal.]

uppin for feed. leave links.

[Fatal.]

damn yo i fed a bunch of peices and no returned feed? ill hit up all links.

[Fatal.]

uppp ^^^^^^

[Joel Venom]

yea i was feeling this man..alot fo imagery and it was short and sweet..as well as to the point lol..flow was like water and you kept a steady pace with the wording..keep it up

[_Lyrics]

yeah, read this a few days ago when you dropped, i was way too high to leave any feed, but i thought this was a pretty nice piece, the flow was smooth plenty of multis helped it along. and the content was personal, the struggle of being young living and learning what the real world is all about. liked how you got in depth about your brother too. something i could definitely relate too. all in all an entertaining piece with some bars that were worded really dope too.

[mcdreemz]

This is alot better than most of the stuff i see on rb.
Imagery is there, and throughout the whole thing i was able to have a picture in my head. Thats always good.
Nothing was out of place, everything fit together perfectly.
Some of the rhymes were amazing, besides the story i kept reading just to see what the next rhyme was.
You keep people attached (or maybe just me to the outline and words, this is great.

[Fatal.]

thanks fellas i appreciate the feed. i'll take a look at open mic and see if i can return the favor on one of ur peices.