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Thread: Spit Me To The Bucket

  1. #1
    Brix! Trahedy Siphon's Avatar
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    Spit Me To The Bucket


    Spit Me To The Bucket

    Fireflies catch my eye and burn the night.
    Smog and smoke cloak the bustle underneath.
    Set alight the stars and scorch them bright.
    I’ll dye with the cork lying tight in my teeth.


    Ahem.


    Between travel and work you pollute my lungs.
    Now rest easy little heart when the burn turns red;
    The clog is merely a fix in making me numb.
    You can spit me to the bucket when the stick is dead.


    Ahem.


    Embers and ash rise from the nearby trash,
    to a drove of sheep with a box and a match.
    With no shepherd in tow and a life so slow
    To merely pass the time we are left to smoke.

    This joke is not a joke… Hooraaaaaah!
    Boom tick its Brix!

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  2. #2
    Brix! Trahedy Siphon's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Boom tick its Brix!

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  3. #3
    Banned
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    Re: Spit Me To The Bucket

    I think that this would be a really good piece in the spoken word if you could make it. I thought that it was really original and I like the way the content just went together!

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Spit Me To The Bucket

    Really nice. Nothing to be critical about here. Took a little white to catch on but I am tired so my IQ has dropped sharply. Really creative and well laid out. Look forward to reading more from you - stay up

  5. #5
    Banned
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    Re: Spit Me To The Bucket

    This had a cool vibe imo...Its hard to put my finger on it exactly.,,,,as a matter-of-fact the structure seemed pretty cool and original also.

    Fireflies catch my eye and burn the night.
    Smog and smoke cloak the bustle underneath.
    Set alight the stars and scorch them bright.
    I’ll dye with the cork lying tight in my teeth.


    Ahem.
    I really like the imagery and the pace of these lines

    I didn't see many technical flaws...loved the topic and the way you wrote on it. Keep it up.

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