just spittin....

[J Storm]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ap-382026.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ss-382070.html

2 DROPS IVE FEED.


surgical percision writtens being spittin at enemy aquasitions
my vertical position be lifting me past battles that go the distance
spittin emmense vocabulary at my dense advasaries
after the duel,your remains i had to bury, because i shattered ya molecules and split capalaries
not to many dudes who can lyrically hang with em, first im playin em then im slayin em
flows harder than uranium
to complicated for ya cranium
the knowledge overload explodes turns ya dome to a stadium
homie ya hype aint prevailing
on the mic i'm never failing
you niggas couldnt see me even if you had live sattalite survallence
beef, you dont want that
flows sharper than thumb tacs
you call those punches? ya flow soft like love taps
but me, i punch and weave agilily
eat emcees savagely
you niggas are novices i'm the very representation of microhone mastery
more powerful than lightning bolts charged with a 100,000 volts
more relentless than an assualt on castle walls with mid evil canapualts
it doesnt matter if its you or ya crew im running through it, and droppin you slut
i have you in the hospital connected to tubes wit fluid running through it and ya opticals shut
contenders wither under the pressure i deliver
flows enter ya nose, stiffen ya bones and corode ya liver
and death is always the outcome when you mess with the sinister sentence spitter......

[Dayvid Aimz]

not to many dudes who can lyrically hang with em, first im playin em then im slayin em
flows harder than uranium
to complicated for ya cranium
the knowledge overload explodes turns ya dome to a stadium

these lines flowed pretty well but they have punctuation errors and alot of shit was misspelled throughout the piece you had some stuff that was just off....lolz...you spelled catapults, Canapults.
Work on grammar and structure homie cause you seem to know how to tell a story with your words,

Peace and stay up J storm,,,wanna see more from you.

[Sorn]

Spelling is a pet hate of mine but I wont mention it here, just to say if you have word of something you might want to write in that and copy and paste it here so you can use the spell-checking
Good wording, multis, use of language and feel... Flow is terrible though.
Just count the syllables, maybe say it out loud.
Peep this:
surgical percision writtens being spittin at enemy aquasitions ~ 20 syllables in 1 line?
my vertical position be lifting me past battles that go the distance ~ 19
spittin emmense vocabulary at my dense advasaries ~ 16
after the duel,your remains i had to bury, because i shattered ya molecules and split capalaries ~ 27
not to many dudes who can lyrically hang with em, first im playin em then im slayin em
flows harder than uranium ~30
to complicated for ya cranium ~ 10

and so on...

You see what I mean
because it was all over the place, it was hard to catch a rhyme scheme in there and that took so much away from what could have been a masterpiece.

Work on this and you should do well
Hope this helps

Keep elevating

1

[The Genesis]

this shit is pretty nice, a couple of the punchlines were generic and played, but other than that everything else was on point, flow, multis, good shit.

"more powerful than lightning bolts charged with a 100,000 volts
more relentless than an assualt on castle walls with mid evil canapualts"

^that line was hot.